


Go Trip Over a Knife

by thefallingdead



Category: The Walking Dead, The Walking Dead (Telltale Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Canon Lesbian Relationship, Enemies With Benefits, F/F, Friends With Benefits, Jealousy, Third Wheel, bad girl, these tags make me gag
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-23
Updated: 2018-12-23
Packaged: 2019-09-25 02:21:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 39,515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17112623
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thefallingdead/pseuds/thefallingdead
Summary: Clementine and Violet are paired together for a project type thing. They’re on two ends of the social spectrum so to speak. Sparks fly. Kinda. As do historical facts when Lee gets awkward.





	1. Arrangement

So I am being breathed on. His scruffy beard swaying lightly as he constructs me on what to do, with that revolting scent of chicken noodles flowing from his mouth. It disappears for a few seconds as he glances back at the class, and I thank God for that.

"Clementine Everett, you're not paying attention."

Damn it, it's back.

"I-I'm sor-" Mr Pete’s eyes squinted and he hushed me, and soon students were flying out of the room, crowding the door and trying to climb over eachother, attempting to see what was causing the mayhem in the halls. I could practically see my reflection in his bald scalp.

"Such a stupid bitch!" Someone's got a potty mouth...

"Says the girl who failed art!" This girl has a cute accent...

I would love to stay at my desk, content and out of the bodies of odorous eighth graders, but I need to pee. Like, super-mega-badly. I spot a little doorway through the crowd, and quickly sliver through the cheering crowd. Then I see what the commotion is being caused by.

A blonde and a redhead, who're trying VERY hard to get eachother's heads off. I think I recognize the blonde though... Can't really see her face when all the hair is covering it up.

That blonde girl throws bad punches. She seriously just hit air in the face. Hah! But then she comes back with a strike of her left fist right to the redheads nose, and that's pretty much when the halls got louder with cheers and yells. The redhaired walrus growls and slaps the girl square across her face, and then the redhead tackles her to the ground.

Woah, these jeans make her ass look ah-mazing from this angle.

Not that I like it, cuz I don't like girls. Never. I'm more straight than a ruler. And not those flexi ones. I support abstinence. And I go to church.

Straight.

Maybe I admire some actresses a little more than the average person, but still, my door doesn't swing that way.

I wonder if that picture of her hugging your one is still on my laptop after Lee found it yesterday. I'll see to that at home.

Soon teachers are pulling at both the girl's arms and grunting at them in dismay. They still claw and throw hits at eachother until they are being dragged apart into different classes. Oh, it's her.

And by her, I mean, by far, the most prettiest girl I've ever seen.

It's just a compliment, calm your tits. Or balls. Or whatever middle category you fall into.

Violet.

Ever since she entered my home room I've never taken my eyes off her. She has green eyes, shortish dirty blonde almost snow hair that matched her cold personality, and her smile- If she ever smiled at me, I'd probably wet myself, then cry, then die of a heart attack. It's that intimidating.

I say 'If' because, well, I'm not really popular, and she is. As in, the only time she talks to me is when she directing an insult at me. No one talks to me, like, no one at all- Well, my cat, Tiffany, or Tiff, talks to me, but no actual human does. Not even my Dad. Well he does but it feels forced and unnatural. I don't like it. Louis does I guess. Sometimes he calls me a twit though. And an orange. Still hung up on the twit thing.

Twit. Who says chiz like that?

I'm disrupted by the gentle tap of a finger on my shoulder, only to turn around and see Dad, the principle/history teacher/foster carer extraordinaire, staring at me and- Wow, where'd everyone go?

He's all red cheeked and his eyes keep darting towards a teacher who was stomping away muttering about the printer that had no toner. Carly I think it was.

"Honey, you seem zoned out today. What're you doing standing in the hall?" Waiting for Violet to whisk me away with your cloud of sexiness. Or death to take me. That would be cool beans too.

"I'm, uh, I was heading to the, er, the bathroom. Yeah, the bathroom." I got distracted as I saw a blonde head enter said bathrooms. Violet. She could seriously stop a herd of...everything. I mean, GOD, look at her. Well, you can't see her...

Oh, how you miss out.

"Oh, well in that case, carry on. By the way, fantastic job at the National Cinematography Regionals, I loved the short film. The way you used the rails to signify the actors loneliness and trapped feelings was great! I mean I personally would have went down the more historical route but yes. Great!” And with that, Dad cleared his throat and stopped rolling on the balls of his feet. He made a move to pat me on the shoulder but remembered our earlier talk. "Treat you like a student. Right" He whispered to himself, straightening his tie as I ducked away. There was no straightening of that tie.

“Get to science class Clementine!” He called out.

I conducted an entire not so life-sized sculpture of the Statue of Liberty for the upcoming science fair, made completely out of clay. I installed eighty electro-magnet wires in the hollow of the sculpture, then pulled them through the clay while it was wet. Everyone knows that the protons, neutrons, and electrons of the electric current will bounce off of the texture of the clay, so that nothing will happen. But I coated the clay with large amounts of neon gas, which is an excellent conductor of electricity. After covering the wires with protective plastic, I painted the sculpture, and took the plastic off, then screwed rainbow bulbs over the wires and connected the wires into potatoes. Yes, potatoes, because potatoes can conduct up to two-hundred trillion, billion mega-watts of electricity. Then it was done.

Now, go back and read all of that. I know you better than you know you. Hmm.

Violet.

 

... I'm freaking the hell out of myself.

I know every kid in school looks at her the way I do. At least half the way I do, I bet-

Wow, I just walked all the way to the bathroom, took a whaz, and now I'm washing my hands, all while talking to you.

I'm such a beast.

I'm currently soaping up my hands while looking in the mirror. Fun times. This lightening wasn't the most complimentary. The bathroom was lime green and an ugly lime green at that. Even the best lights couldn't make this bathroom appealing.

My head nearly snaps off my body as one of the bathroom stall doors slams shut, and a huffy blonde makes her way into the-Oh god it's her. She’s dressed in an oversized and off the shoulder band shirt which was tucked not so neatly into her usual ripped jeans. And let’s not forget her converse.

My knees- I can't feel my knees. They just like, freaking melted, and she comes up, RIGHT next to me. By the sink. Yes! She's washing her hands.

Oh gosh, my problem. My hyperventilation problem, it's coming, I feel it. She's so close to me. Oh God.

I realize that my hands stop moving and I'm staring at her longer than I should, but I physically can't take my eyes off her. Despite the little cuts that flaw her lower blood stained lip and cheek, the soft, porcelain skin decorates the frame of it, with her little hair flailed around her head, and her eyebrows tucked downwards in annoyance. She tries running her fingers through her hair, trying to get come order out of it, but growls as it seems it does no difference.

My lungs are starting to constrict and I open my mouth slightly to take in some air but not so much that I open my mouth wide and look like an idiot; It doesn't help.

My arms feel heavy. Like I'm holding the camera as I do every morning. But there's no camera. There's just soap.

I wonder if I told her that she looks beautiful like this, would she take it wrong. Probably.

She probably wouldn't take it wrong. Because girls liking girls the way girls like boys isn't very common around this town.

"Stupid fucking hair."

The bell rings and she groans before catching my eyes, and by now my vision is blurred, I can't feel my body, and I see three beautiful, blonde-headed angels, raising an eyebrow at me. The last I catch is the sound of feet fading out the restroom.

She looked... At me. I just saw her jaw clench

Then, it's dark.

"You fainted, hun." Nurse Molly says to me as she sits over me, reading some magazine. "Huh?"

“Yes sweetheart. You did.” The voice of her helper Sarah chirruped up from the corner. Did I mention that Sarah’s really pretty?

Like. Really. Black haired and Spanish to boot. Fall on me.

... I swear I'm developing Tourette's...

"Apparently you collapsed in the restroom and Duck found you after being told by his friend. He’s my new assistant for the day seeing as he doesn’t want to face the wrath of Ms Lily in Geography. Say hi, Duck," Molly murmured in her signature accent as she nodded her head over to a teen dressed in a plait shirt and jeans, huddled over a comic book on another bed.

"Clem, you see me a lot during the year, but never for something like this. What happened, hun?" Sarah asked. I love when she calls me that.

"I, uh, I was... Hot."

"It's only fifty-seven degrees today. And I was just testin' ya, you had a hyperventilation-induced-panic-attack." Sarah was sill studying for her nursing boards and was clearly very proud of herself for being able to answer.

I grew uncomfortable under the trios gazes.

"I'm gonna go to class now." I quickly stand up, then quickly lose my balance, thus falling forward and nearly breaking my face in the process. Nurse Sarah gently pulled me up and tapped my nose. "Be careful, Clementine! And if you ever need me to talk to about you know the move and your parents and all that? I'm here."

If I break my ass will she tap that too?

One can only wonder.

I slip out of the nurses' office with a pass and make my way to fourth period.

I don't like girls.

:)

So far, I have had the worst day ever.

So, I was at lunch, going to sit at my table and finish reading Wuthering Heights, but then I tripped. Boy, did I trip.

I tripped, and went face first to the ground. And my food went spilling all over me. I remained on the ground for a few more seconds, because the only thing my body can register is pain and the sound of laughter. I pull my face up, and my heart actually stops, and breaks.

Louis, my supposed friend, is standing there, holding himself and guffawing, and his friend Marlon is rolling on the ground, killing- himself-laughing, but that's not what truly hurts me the most.

My eyelashes are smeared with an unknown substance, but I can still see perfectly what hurts me. What hurts me is that Violet is standing there with tears in her eyes, pointing at me, and sniggering along with her usual bunch o groupies. She's draped against her almost girlfriend Minnie who couldn’t care less about the situation and is just playing with her joint lighter. I pull myself up, and make my way out of the lunchroom in a dash, leaving my book and my food forgotten. Everything was just in pain.

Everything just hurt.

After my unsettling public embarrassment, I try to reduce the tears that threaten to fall, and I succeed in that, trying to remember that majority of those idiots aren't going to make it into Harvard and I am. Ignorant twits. I changed my clothes (I always keep a second pair for safety) and headed to the Art Room for the remainder of the lunch period, as that's the only place where it's empty this period, and I can work on assignments and not be bothered by paper targeted at the back of my head.

With a silent sigh, I look at the art around me. Just paintings of-

... Is that a... Is that a penis?...

And while I finish up my math, now disgusted, I hear my name over the intercom,"Clementine Everett, please report to the principals office, Clementine Everett." And internally thank God/Marilyn Monroe that I don't have to face the eyes of eighth graders. They've probably gotten a nickname for me now... Again.

It's only gotten worse since Violet moved into town.

Toad legs, Run-Up-Get-Done-Up, Vicky McVirgin, Gold Star (I hate that one), Quadruple-Eyes when I used to wear glasses (I guess it makes her feel smarter instead of using the word 'four'.) Some of the things she calls me, I just don't understand. Like, this one.

Orange.

...?

I'm not tan. And Clementine’s aren’t oranges. I guess now I know where Louis got it from.

All in all, she calls me a lot of things... And since shes once again noticed my not so tall but taller than her height last week, now I've been deemed Giraffe.

I sometimes despise that I love her.

I enter the office with a gentle push on the door, and see Ms Kate, the secretary smiling at me. My spirits are lifted a little bit as I pass by her desk and I take a seat in Dads leather chair.

"Clementine- er Miss Everett, are you okay?" Dad asked. I nod. "I was told about your... Incident, at lunch, and I figured that the least you wanted was a break from all these kids. Oh, here," he says, gently pushing my forgotten book towards me. I mutter,"Thank you."

"As you know, there's been er numerous breakouts of fights this month, with the same particular person, and I want to put an end to it. Seeing that you are one of my best students in, well, the school, I think you're the perfect girl for the job. So, I'm going to assign a task to you. You are going to be my new monitor. My little spy. My accomplice. My helping hand. My guide dog." He rambled, drumming his fingers on the desk.

I really, really hope he means I get to monitor like monitors. Computer monitors. Google is cool. "Student monitor." Dammit. "For the rest of this month, you will be assigned to that student, and you will monitor her actions." Her?... "You will also help her with her studies, because, well, she ain't doin' so well. Oh, excuse my southern side. I've been watching those game shows and the people you see on them! Wow. And Kenny of course.”

"Are you up to it?" I give him a thin lipped smile, push my brown ringlets behind my ear and straighten my cap. "Alright then. Miss Violet Keane, come on out."

"The name is just Violet. Come on, Lee, you know that." Dad ignores the girl's remark to her first name, and points to the seat... Next?To me. "Take a seat, Violet."

Wait.

Violet.

I have to monitor...? Violet? For a... Month?

"Lee doll , you're really not gonna make me waste my time with Ally McAbstinece here are you?"

"I'm Principle Everett to you" Dad cleared his throat and straightened his posture with a wiggle. "Clementine is a great inspiration to numerous kids around the school, and I think it'd be great if you stepped in the same path path as her- Clementine, are you okay? You look a little pale..."

I'm gonna die.

"I'm fine," I squeak. Violet slouches in her chair and her shirt rides up and- Oh my God, she has the most faintest abs I've ever seen. But besides that.

I'm gonna start hyperventilating again. "  
Violet, can you handle a month with Clementine here?"

"Whatever, I guess. Not like I have a choice” She... She actually said?...Yes? "As long as she doesn't touch me or whatever. I don’t Princess Perfects germs all over me..." ... I feel like a feather right now...

Everything is all blurry?... "So, starting tomorrow you'll be... -Clem? Are yo- ... Jesus, not aga- What the fuck dude hey off of me-... She's drooling on-... Is she dea-... She's out like your one in Eurovision..."

And that's the last of what I heard.

And although my body was nonfunctional, my brain was wide awake, and my mind was screaming in my ears.

Violet Keane and Clementine Everett, together.

Vi and I were going to be together.

Then, I see black.

So, apparently, I have a fainting/hyperventilation/panic attack problem, and I need to stay home for the rest of the day. This is purely unacceptable. Dad drove me home.

I'm sitting in my room on my bed, still trying not to go into a coma at the thought of being in the same room as Emaline, when there's no one around but us. Although I'm 99.9% sure that Violet hates my guts, I still can't believe she actually agreed to it. I'm gonna have to watch her through school, and that means gym.

I don't have gym, so I'm predicting I just get to watch.

Hell yes.

But then again, why would she stick with me for even more than a second? Like I said, it's pretty obvious she hates me. The first time we met at school, I can still remember those first, same... Colorful words.

'Are you from Texas? 'Cuz your forehead can't BE any bigger.'

Such a good memory.

I need to get a grip of myself...She purely despises me with a passion. She despises everyone with a passion. Apart from her friends and some kid called Tenn in first grade. And I guess she doesn’t mind Louis. But that’s not the point. I can't keep on thinking that this is gonna somehow change her view towards me. I'm still Vicky McVirgin, I'm still the black girl who blacks out wherever she goes, I'm still... Me. And I can conclude that Violet will never seem to accept that.

I sigh as Tiffany saunters up to me and lays on my lap and meows. "I am not freaking out, Tiff. It's just?You know how long I've liked Violet."

Tiffany meows again. "A month is too a long time!" ... "Can we count in light-months?" She hissed at me and jumped off of my lap, and I straightened my glasses as a knock at the door caught my attention.

Yay, the pizza guy is here!

I grab my twelve dollars and rush out of my room and to the front door, and- Dammit, AGAIN?

"Ow..." I push myself off the floor and frown at my hand. My money is all crinkled now. I hate that. I straighten my clothes once again, and open the door to...

So. Not. The pizza guy.

"Buhfluhbaguh..."

Why does my mouth hate me so damn much?

"Um, okay?..." Violet. At my door. In my house. She slides past me and claps her hands together. "Let's get one thing straight, Er...Orange? We are not friends. I'm only here because my mom is fucking killing me about grades this year, and you're a nerd, so you can help me. So, let's get started."

She's?Talking to me and not directly making an insult. "Clementine."

She gives me a blank look. "What?"

"My name... It's Clementine." I look down at me feet as she continues burning holes into me with her eyes, and she snorts with laughter. I remain quiet. "I know" I let out a silent sigh. "Can we just get to the part where you help me pass school? And what the hell are you looking at? Is there a piece of lint shaped like George Bush down there?"

My eyes snap up at her snide comment, and I sigh again. "Principle Everett said that we don't start until tomorrow..."

"Ugh, well, whatever then. I'm missing the Drama anyway." And just like that, my first ever, real conversation with Violet Keane was over. She confuses me.

She disappears out front door and I mentally check again that I just had a conversation with her. "By the way, I'm not going around hanging with someone with a name like Clementine Everett. Your name'll be..." She saunters over to the door and off she goes. Just in time as Lee’s Jeep slides into the driveway.

She bites her lip...

It's freaking adorable.

I just wanna eat her up and out and in every possible way...

That was very, non-subtly dirty.

But I can't deny the truth.

"Just Clem."

Wow. How creative!

"Bye, loser!" And she's gone again.

...Vi and Clem

I don't know why... But that phrase just has heaven's ring to it.

Where’s Ben with my pizza?


	2. Bravery

 

The boys behind me snicker, and I keep my dignity, moving to a table that's farther away from them, and out of their view. What the hell are they doing in the school library anyway? God knows they don't even know what the purpose of one is.

 

Ugh. So yeah PE or Gym whatever people call it didn't go too well this morning. I don't usually participate, getting my dad to write me notes feigning sickness (he tuts a lot about that) but the one day I do participate? I get a new nickname. Duke. At least I got to feel Violet’s boobs. She shoved past me this morning at the lockers but gave Louis a nod. That was nice. But also wasn't nice.

 

Anyways Vi didn't show up for the tutoring at lunch. But I kinda was expecting that. Instead she put on an act in the middle of the cafeteria with Marlon who was pissing her off. I couldn't keep my eyes off of her. Louis was even able to take my meat loaf. Not that I wanted it.

 

And you are probably wondering why I'm eating lunch in the library. Well, you know about my canteen incident. It still brings along whispered laughs and taunts.So until someone else creates an incident much more controversial and irrational, I am forced to eat my lunch in the library, alone. Yes I tried the bathrooms. No I didn't enjoy it. Louis made these more freshmen girls come in to fetch me out.

 

"Dude, I totally scored with Violet yesterday. We got to third base." My ears nearly pop at the mention of her name, and I intently listen in to whoever is narrating his memory. "I was feelin' her tits man, she's not that big with the bogs but damn, she sure can make a boy feel happy. My tongue was in her mouth and shit, but she didn't get to ride my turkey train... She said somethin' about not wanting to have an ugly baby..." I snort with laughter, much too loudly which gets me a glare from a librarian.

 

Ah yes. Gabe.

 

My turkey sandwich is all soggy now. Ew.

 

That tale just basically ruined my day. Fun times! Fun times.

 

:)

 

"Sweetheart! I mean Miss Everett ahem!" Dads voice made me turn around in the corridor as I collected my books at the end of the day. "I'll be working late tonight. Doing taxes. Filing. You know! Principal stuff" He made his voice go all "funny" sounding towards the end. "You'll be okay right? You can heat up some dinner and I'll be home before you know it"

 

I nodded. He did finger guns. Saw my face and stopped doing finger guns then walked away.

 

I heard his voice booming at some loitering kids and smiled.

 

I can't really express my joy right now, I'm still going through the Violet-Actually-Said-Yes phase.

 

I've finished my Math, English, and French homework, and now I've got absolutely nothing to do. It's only five o'clock and I'm done.

 

Can you say black and white film?

 

I usually really hate movies such as that, but this movie deserves several Grammies. Now all I have to do is call up some of my friends!

 

...

 

Oh.

 

Where's Tiffany? "Tiffy? Tiffany, where are you?" I hear a hiss behind the couch, that freaking scares the crap out of me, but I anxiously peer behind it anyway. My reading glasses begin to fog up. I exhale in relief as I see Tiffany clawing and struggling my shoe... "Tiff, I've told you once and I'll tell you again, shoes did NOT create dogs!"

 

“Tiffany!” My younger brother Aj exclaimed as he padded inside from the back garden, where he had spent the majority of the evening dancing to songs only he could hear. Weirdo. “Tiff!” He smiled toothily once he got sight of her and she zoomed away, him at her tail. Literally.

 

I swear, my cat and brother sometimes have the IQ of... Everyone at my school.

 

Dads still at the office and Tiff is... Somewhere that's not here, and Aj has gone into detective mode humming the theme of Pink Panther in search of the cat, so I am basically completely and utterly alone.

 

I found myself daydreaming. Of Vi. What was she doing right now? Graffiti? Drugs? Herself?

 

If you haven't noticed by now, everything, and I mean everything corresponds right back to Violet. For instance, yesterday I was in class, learning about linear functions, freaking linear functions, and then I asked myself: What number what I use as the slope number to get to her house? She looked cute. Red lipstick suits her. Messy blonde hair. Fitted jeans with a black denim jacket. Cute!

 

She's has completely infected my life. She's exactly like an STD; I will probably end up dying for her. S T Do me.

 

I snuggled under my star-splattered sheets with my fluffy slippers warming my feet. My movie has started, and there's nothing to add to my so-called paradise. But then, I shortly slip away from my movie, and let my thoughts take over. Besides the VCR was working fine but the sound was a bit blurry so I would have got distracted anyways.

 

This is the time where I usually begin to think deeper than I should, about how Dad told me to help her, how she accepted this challenge, and how I always think that things are going to get better between us- Why do I say 'Going to get better' when we never actually had anything developed?

 

That sounds edgy.

 

"Fucking FUCK!"

 

I literally stumble off my sofa and scramble to turn on the lights, because the yell that just echoed through my living room scared the shit out of me. My fingers are still wrapped tightly around my blanket, and the last thing I expect to see is a blonde, reddish pale-faced. She slams the door (I swear I hear a crack) and takes hesitant steps towards me. My fight or flight instincts -Which in reality means duck and cover or haul my ass away- are roaring, and I wonder if I'm the cause of her new-found anger.

 

Violet in my house.

 

In my house.

 

Touching my floor.

 

In my house.

 

But she's... Crying.

 

Little droplets continue to make the slow way down the tinted cheeks, fists still clenched and teeth still grinding. I've lost my ability to speak (even that always happens when I'm around her) but this time, I'm afraid that if I do say something, my glasses will be surely be stuck in my rectum.

 

"I- I fucking hate her. Why can't there just be one happy day for me? That stupid little bitch and her stupid waffty fire hair. I fucking told her flaming ass self NOT to tell anyone. Now today, I'm walking through the halls and I hear someone else yell that I'm easy some shit like that, and I had to take some bitch down today when I should have taken her down but I could never do that to Minnie but why would she do that urgh!I'm suspended for two days, which means that I'm gonna miss the test and drama practice and someone's going to get the lead of the badass that I've been studying for all fucking day, and-"

 

She takes a deep breath and sniffles and covers her face with her hands... She seemed so... Exposed. Not literally. Sadly.

 

I'm trying to figure out what she's talking about, but I all I can see is pain.

 

I think this is the only time where I really see Vi without my sex-goddess-goggles on; I don't whether to touch or not, she might slap me or something, but comfort is really the only thing I can offer at the moment.

 

I dare my issues to surface when I gently touch her wrist; She immediately stops, and I swear I see her lifting her opposite hand to falcon punch me in the face, but instead dabs away her tears, only proving to smear her mascara even more.

 

I lead her to my sofa and let her settle there. "C-can I stay here tonight? My mum is at some top managers house and my Dad is working late at the station... I don't wanna go to anybody else, they'll probably just laugh... You're really like a 'Plan Z' for me."

 

My heart slowly crumbles upon seeing the usual bright green eyes full of misery. "You're welcome here anytime. I was just watching a movie. The cinematics and score is really interesting." I hear a quiet mumble and I retreat back to my room to prepare my bed. Oh GOD, she’s staying here tonight! I need my lint roller, I need to fluff my pillows, I-

 

Shit. She's staying at my house. Shit on a birthday cake, she is staying at my house.

 

Oh God, I'm gonna hyperventilate. Where's my paper bag? WHERES my hot water jar cover. That's soft. Where’s my walkie talkie so I can ask Louis what the hell do I do.

 

I'm gonna puke- But if I do it's gonna get on the floor, there's germs and icky stuff.

 

I'm going to die.

 

That's when a scream nearly takes my ears out. I rush back to where Blondie is located and I find her. And Tiffany. She has her arms covering her face, trying to maintain her beauty for dear life, while my cat?... Is trying to kill her.

 

"Tiffany! Get off her!" When that name reaches my cat's ear, it only proves to intensify her temper and her claws come out. I quickly grab her before she takes out Violet’s face, and I drag my retarded cat into the kitchen and snap at her. "What the hell is wrong with you? Why are you attacking her?"

 

"Meow?"

 

"Bold!"

 

"Meow, meow!"

 

"She's had a bad day, Tiff. Give her at least a little leeway. Now go to sit in the corner in my room. And do NOT touch my diary." I ignore Tiffany when she yells that she already hears me narrate it at night. Ugh.

 

I nervously tip-toe back into the living room; If shes gone I just might cry. I instead find her hiding under my blanket. I inwardly sigh with relief. "I took my cat upstairs." Violet’s flat haired head pops out from under the blanket, and she panting with wide eyes.

 

"Dude, what the fuck is wrong with your cat? If that clump of fur comes anywhere near me again, I'll give it to the Chinese restaurant down the road; They fucking love cats. Your hear that you deranged bitch-cat? Come at me bro!"

 

“One: that’s racist don’t you think? And two: my friend James runs that place with his parents and they love animals.”

 

I can only imagine what Tiffany says, until I hear a loud hiss from my room. It’s silent so I speak up again; “Do you wanna... Change, or anything?"

 

The clothes that Violet is sporting look skin-tight, and very uncomfortable. The least I can do is give her a pair of my PJ's... But she might puke at the thought of touching my clothes. They pastelly and plaidy. Not her grunge type.

 

"Yeah, these clothes are tighter than me."

 

Tighter than her? What does that mea- Oh... Oh GOD.

 

WHAT?

 

And I'm choking and sputtering for air. "C-come again?" She's gives me that usual 'What the fuck is your problem' look and she correctly repeats,"I said, these clothes are tighter than my detention schedule. Do you have lint in your ears or something?"

 

I'm so sick.

 

I awkwardly nod and stumble into my room, seeing my cat giving me a look. I sigh. "What, what is it?"

 

She gives a little shrug, if possible for a cat, and I hear her meow. I gasp. "I did not mishear her!" Before Tiff can respond I march out the room and hand Violet what I thought was a good choice for her: A tank top and some pajama bottoms. She gives them a blank look before grabbing them and retreating to my kitchen.

 

I make my way to my room, not wanting to wonder what she could be doing in there. I heard in inside the knife draw, so I could tell it wouldn't be good.

 

Ah, why hello Mr. Tv. You're looking quite sexual today.

 

Crap, I better hide my tapes and old movies.

 

"Hey Goliath, listen- I am not your friend. I'm not your pal, I'm not your buddy, I'm not even your acquaintance. I'm only here because everyone else is too fucking stupid to comprehend my problems. And Louis is out with that dickhead Marlon.”

 

I wonder what her problem could be, and why it had her bursting into my home and yelling profanities, but instead I keep quiet. "When I'm asleep, don't touch, fondle, probe, or gaze at any of my body parts. My foot will be up your flat ass in two seconds flat if so is to happen. Understood? Ken doll- Principle Everett said you only have to monitor me, he didn't say I have to love you, or like you for that matter. Do what Daddy says" She rolled her eyes

 

I turn around to her voice, who has cut up my PJ bottoms and turned them into short-shorts, but I'm not worried about that. I wish my eyelids could cover up the tears that are threatening to spill from my eyes, but I remember; She never said she hates me. Not yet anyway. Where even are my glasses? Ah yes. I flung them when I saw her face.

 

Why am I so emotional here? I guess it’s not nice having her speak to me so derogatory and the whole real parents death anniversary coming up. Hah. That old thing.

 

I'm guessing her mood is back considering the speech she just gave, so I watch her slide into my bed and drape the covers her. My spare blanket that is tucked under my bed is pulled out and I climb into my bed, turning off the lamp beside me. My glasses are placed on the bedside table, and I begin to wonder about tonight.

 

I can't stop thinking about why she’s here; Why she came to my house, of all places. And I really wanna figure out what her self-proclaimed problem is, so I can fix it, and make her happy. Just to see a smile on her face would be enough for me. I overheard her say something while I was in the kitchen with Tiff-

That she'd rather swallow rusty, used razor blades soaked in nuclear waste than rather being my friend.

 

I really didn't wanna think about that statement, but now it sends little spikes down my throat and a tear down my cheek. I don't let the second tear get away though; She never said she hates me.

 

I’m not into parties or get togethers at night. I have a Dad who’s not even strict but normal? He doesn’t like shit like that. He cares about where I am.

 

I tighten my hand on my blanket and squeeze my eyes shut. She doesn’t hate me.

 

Yet, I feel like she's so close to saying it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Secret Life of Writing left Kudos on this and I am fecking freaking out because I’m a major fan of theirs WHAT! Comments and critiques are loved and welcomed with open arms -Ella


	3. Notes

Oh my God.

 

 

Violet. Came to my house last night. And today, TODAY we properly start our tutoring and monitoring. Right now I'm checking my outfit for wrinkles or blemishes before I leave for school. Nothing too dressy, just a dark green jumper and blue jeans and trainers.

 

"Meow?" "Tiff, I'm not obsessing over this, can't I dress nice for someone?" "Meow." I rubbed her grey fur belly as she pawed the air trying to catch one of my stands of hair.

 

I rush out the house, trying so desperately to get to school faster. Dad was already waiting in the car and I got into the back seat as his folders and such were always in the front. I was lucky he didn’t come into my room to check on me last night.

 

"Everything okay sweetpea?" He asked, glancing at me in the mirror to which I nodded and leant back against the headrest.

 

And when I arrive at school, I make sure to give my homeroom teacher my class-pass. I avoid looking at him, because of his lazy eyes. Yes, both eyes. Not a good sight. He grins... Slightly creepily at me, and says,"Carry on, Clementine. You're a great student, and a great girl, in and out of school." Time to go.

 

He was Mr Carver but its not his real name. It’s a nickname he got from the students because of his grin that looks like the joker himself carved it into his face.

 

My legs start to get numb as I approach the room Dad assigned for me and Violet to study in. He wanted us to start off with academics first, much to her displeasure. I wasn't very excited about the fact that we had to study in the Art Room, with...

 

That picture.

 

It's not that I have anything against a penis, it's just the fact that there's a penis hanging on the wall... It's just, out there. I mean, it'd be the same way if was a vagina drawing, cause I'm not gay or anything. I love penis, and that's good because I'm an eighth grade girl, and eighth grade girls love penises, right?

 

No?... Yes?... Oh look, Violet.

 

She's so pretty when she walks down the hall, or when she's talking to someone, or- OH MY GOD SHE'S COMING TOWARDS ME.

 

My Dad searched online on what to do about my hyperventilation/panic-attack/fainting problem, and it all came back with one solution: Breath deeply.

 

Now, excuse me if I'm wrong, but isn't breathing A PART of the problem?

 

"Hey loser, let's get started." She looks beautiful this morning, as if any other morning is a difference from this one. She still has little scratches and scars that flaw her lips, but it's overshadowed by miles of beauty that could last forever. She is dressed in her cute little boat shoes, dark blue crop top and her black skinny jeans, ripped at the legs, all the way up to her thighs...

 

Oh hai there abs. You look nice today.

 

Jesus Christ on a bicycle, she's touching me.

 

Violet Keane is touching me and Oh my God I'm gonna die, she's grabbing my arm and pulling me and I think I just came.

 

"Move your goddamn feet, ladder." Words of love.

 

We make our way through the hallways, odd looks being thrown towards her as she pulls me along. She gave a wink towards Minnie and her other groupies’ directions as we passed by their lockers and nodded at her other art major friends. She does her best and ignores everyone else until we make our way into the Art Room. It's not in use for a double until next period. She plops me down and pulls off her tote bag, then proceeds to sigh longingly. "Well? start tutoring." She rolls her green eyes and takes a seat across from me as I pull out my books. "Er, what do you wanna start with?"

 

"Are you related to Luke?" Ah yes. Luke. My cousin.

 

The question comes out of nowhere and I resist to roll my eyes. "Unfortunately, yes, he's my cousin."

 

"How are you related to him? He's enough to turn me straight. He’s freaking smoking hot and, well, you're not." I clear my throat as a sharp pain stabs at my heart; I ignore it. I'm used to the feeling, especially when she's the cause of it.

 

"... Let's just get started."

 

Half an hour passes by and I see little-to-no progress. At first, she was into it, but now, I can see that she doesn't wanna actually learn anything, but I'm not giving up. I have crushed on this girl for too long, and to give up on her now is like... Giving up on Nature Valley Energy bars. The oat and honey kind. I straighten my glasses on my nose and sigh. "Okay, what radical is equal to the square root of four-hundred-fourty-one?"

 

She fiddles at her chipped manicured nails and mumbles,"Isn't 'radical' an adjective for surfers?" She spent her time for the past ten minutes doodling in a book.

 

I sigh and push my book away. All my internal shyness is pushed away and I exhale again,"Look, what's the problem? I'm trying to help you, and you not even attempting to do any of the work isn't helping either, so tell me what's wrong, so I can fix it." I'm guessing this problem that didn't show itself last night wants to make an appearance now.

 

"There's nothing that you could do anyway..."

 

I try sweet talking her. "I'm positive I can fix the problem."

 

The blonde glares at me. "You can't fix it, smart ass." I recoil at the venomous words and softly ask,"Fix what?"

 

She sits up, turning away and growling,"Dyslexia! You can't fix dyslexia, can you?" I remain silent as she peers daggers at me. "Exactly." She settles into her seat, and her voice gets softer. "Everyday it's the same thing; Reading and writing and numbers and letters; It's all so tangled and confusing, and I know I can't do a fucking thing about it. It ruins my life, you say right, I step left, you write 'p' and I'll write a 'q'. It just... I hate it." She begins scribbling roughly on a copy page. The page now stained with ink.

 

Silence fills the room, until she speaks again. Her voice cracks along the way. "And I thought you would help me, at least a little bit, but you just criticize like all my other teachers. I'm afraid, loser. Afraid of what they'll say if they find some childish mistake on my paper, like a 'p' upside down, and laugh at me. That's why I fail. Do you know how I'd feel? What if they ask me to read in class and I stutter? And peanut butter become qeanut dutter.”

 

It was silent for a while and I didn't know what to say but as soon as I opened my mouth she started again. "And your stupid Dad doesn't help. I bet he's told you all about me. No privacy in this shithole" I gulped.

 

The tension in the room ebbs away, and she picks up her tote bag, quietly saying,"... Can we stop for today? I’ve got places to be and people to meet."

 

I nod and let her go. She stands up and slowly walks away, but not before turning around.

 

"Don't tell anyone." She turns and gently scoffs, saying to herself,"Like you'd have anyone to tell." She walks away, leaving me pondering about her, and how she maintains such beauty, and a strong heart.

 

A beautiful, strong girl.

 

:)

 

Well, so far, I didn't get to see her in gym (Dammit) but I did get to see her jump around afterwords during the final warm ups in the fittest of fitted-leggings of fitted-leggings history.

 

I made a vow to stay away from dressing rooms till the rumors that I was a lesbian die down.

 

I listen to Coach Christa (Our gym coach) talk to the girls and boys, and I'm sitting in the bleachers, trying to spot her-

 

Oh... Oh WOW.

 

I found her... I found her sitting with her legs spread open like a pedophile's arms.

 

"Alright girls, crunch-up's, then jogging, let's go!" Violet’s groan of dismay is the loudest, and the majority of her girl and guy friends chuckle, only because it sounded sexual. Minnie winked at her from across the room, douchebag.

 

I didn't giggle.

 

She pairs up with her friend Sophie, also a pro-con artist chick, the redhead who does morning announcements and artwork in the bathroom stalls, and Vi lies down. I smile to myself as her shirt rides up, and I catch a glimpse of her abs. I've been told I have the body of a surfboard.

 

At approximately eleven-thirty-two AM, the blonde caught me staring at her and gave me the finger.

 

I wish it was two.

 

ZING!

 

I'm definently getting used to this.

 

I watch as she comes up, and drops back down. Her friend is sharpening her nails, when Violet finally kicks her off, and gives up... After fifteen crunch-up's. Then again, I, myself can't really do crunch-up's at all, so I can't blame her.

 

My eyes stay gazing upon her as she's flopped on the ground, and my eyes wander across her body. Her hair is... Dampened to her forehead, and her face is... Flustered, and hot. And her chest rises up and down, with her shirt risen up to a point where I saw her beautiful abs again. Her legs... Her legs are open again, and I conclude all of my findings. Stop staring Clementine! Louis gives me a holler and a wave from across the pe hall. But I still look at her.

 

Red face, sweaty body, panting furiously, spread legs.

 

Oh dear.

 

It's back.

 

At approximately eleven fifty-eight AM, I blacked out for two minutes, and when I woke up, I found a sticky note stuck to my forehead. I recognized the handwriting immediately.

 

\- Stop staring at me you freaking lesbo geek.

 

P.S. You should really consider taking a spitball-defendant class.

 

-Violet

 

This note smells nice. Floral but musky.

 

I look down at my jeans.

 

I'm burning my jeans.

 

Ugh, who even brings paper to gym?

 

:)

 

"Meow?"

 

"She like, exploded on me, Tiff. I didn't know that she had dyslexia in the first place, but I should've noticed that something was off when she wouldn't do anything. I'm so stupid."

 

"Meow, meowww!" I finish making my bed up and Tiffany jumps up next to me, sliding her tail along my arm. "Tiff, I know she can do it, I just gotta get her to believe she can do it."

 

"Meow?" I blush furiously as my glasses nearly fall off my nose. "No, we're not gonna have a study date. Violet... She doesn't like me, Tiff. In fact, I'm pretty sure she wishes she never met me. And I also think she likes Minnie." I try to think of happier thoughts as my cat ask,"Meow?"

 

"She was... Making out with her in the hallway." I had been going to the bathroom (I swear I have a bladder problem) and when I saw a flash of blonde hair, my head was instinctively dragged in the direction of it. But then I saw them, her hands placed on her rear, her fingers dragging through her hair, and their lips tearing at eachother's; After that, I didn't have the urge to be at school, let alone be alive anymore. Her red lipstick smeared over her face.

 

Tiffany hisses,"Meow, meow, Meow." I raise my eyebrows. "Tiff, that's... It's not nice to call girls those kind of things." Tiffany points her nose in the air and jumps off the bed. Looking at my alarm clock, I see that it's nearly eleven o'clock and turn off the lights, proceeding to snuggle under my supa comfy covers. My glasses are set on my night stand, and I close my eyes. I can hear Dad reading Aj a story next door.

 

I wonder sometimes if she really, truly hates me.

 

Yesterday was just a blurry preview of her towards me. I know that she really didn't have anyone else to go to, so she came to me. But she still stomps my feelings into the ground.

 

All the insults, the mockery- What is it for? Now I know.

 

I think it's all just her insecurities. To fit in with the 'Edgy Cool-Kid' crowd, to be popular and pretty. But I can see inside of her. She's really just like a knight- She's got skin made of metal, sharp and shiny and for everyone to gaze and fawn upon, but inside of the amour, she's vulnerable to pain, and sensitive to the wrong feelings. Her dyslexia is her pain, and she has yet to try to fight it, so she keeps her amour shined, and instead, takes her pain out on me.

 

Deep. Opening the tumblr app to jot that shit down.

 

So, she doesn't hate me.

 

If she did really hate me, she wouldn't agree to this chaos-

 

Hey, when did my bedroom open?

 

"Urgh, she is so frustrating! Why can’t we be official? Why can’t she just make her mind up?"

 

Holy mother of god, she's in my ROOM.

 

I haven't cleaned.

 

Breathe. Breathe. Can't breathe. Seeing double-Violet.

 

... Oooh, two of her. That'd be amazing.

 

Oh, shes still here.

 

I scramble out of my bed and turn the lights on, seeing a blonde there with a beet-red face, fist clenched and-

 

Hm. Does her face get that red when she's in bed? I'll have to test that... Someday. "Violet, wha- How'd you get in my roo-"

 

"I'm sick of giving him chances. We're done and over with, so she can go fuck Angelica and Caroline and Judi and all those other whores in the back of her old ass BMW for all I fucking care. And your dad let me in" My mouth hangs open as I try to register the words coming from her mouth.

 

I wonder if she curses in bed as much as she curses now. I'll have to test that too... *Sigh* Someday.

 

Focus you stupid conscience! "Violet, please stop yelling"

 

"I'll yell whenever the hell I fucking want to!" She slams the window shut as she shivered and I gape at her as she stomps across my room and sits on my bed.

 

She's sitting on my bed- Still haven't washed them since yesterday.

 

I'm never washing those sheets again. "Look, can I... Stay... Here? Like, for tonight?Again? My mom isn't really in the mood today and she's been bitching at me for no fucking reason. Everything is so stupid lately... I just... Ugh."

 

"Uh, yeah, yes, sure, of course."

 

"I got it the first time, stupid." She lays on the bed (Oh my God, never EVER washing these again) and scoots away from me as far as the bed will let her get, and mutters, "We're still not friends. And I swear if I wake up with your arm around me, I'm ripping it off and shoving it straight up your flat ass. Understand? This isn’t some Wattpad fic or whatever else you read during free classes."

 

I give weak noise in response and scoot a little farther away from her.

 

That actually kind of scares me.

 

I wonder why I'm reacting to her presence in a completely foolish and retarded way when she was just at my house, in my bed yesterday. But I remember that her queen-bee attitude had been shot down yesterday, and she was so... fragile, and hopeless.

 

"... Do you think I'm pretty?"

 

I'm pretty sure if I try to answer that, I'll accidently confess my love for her. "Er, yes, you're pretty."

 

"Why're you lying?" My head nearly snaps as I turn my face to her. How dare she accuse me of not being truthful to a question like that. "Do you want me to be honest?"

 

"You're really dumb for a smart person."

 

"Violet, you are one of the most prettiest girls I've ever seen." It's quiet again, until she speaks up.

 

"Look, you're still a lame-ass-nerd with no social life, and I still don't like you, but... Please, don't tell anybody about my... Problem. I don't wanna face what you do." I'm only forgiving her for that one because she came here in her pajamas and it shows sexy Vi-abs. Vabs.

 

"Cross my heart."

 

"You better be serious, or I'm sticking a cross through your heart... Night..Clementine."

 

"G'night Violet."

 

She called me Clementine. There was no giraffe involved.

 

...We're gonna get married.

 

Someday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t know to make those cutesy professional looking pictures edits and I’ve banned myself from looking at them for tonight before I get sad. Clem and Vi are a tad ooc I think BUT I’d like to explore the people they could have become if the whole damn apocalypse thing didn’t happen! Please do leave feedback or kudos if you can! Follow @thefallingdead on Instagram from sneak peaks and previews of upcoming chapters -Ella


	4. Sickened

This is possibly going to be the best day ever. My bread is prepared, I'm bringing Pretty In Pink to read to the ducks, and my new edition of Pokémon, possibly the best game ever developed, arrived this morning. If I didn't have gum in my mouth, I'd scream. Well, not scream, just give a little noise of excitement, I don't wanna draw attention.

 

It reads exactly 9:00 AM on my watch, and I smile in delight. As I began my exit out of my house, I notice Dads boxers. Disgusting. My little-backpack is comfortable on my shoulders, and I quietly slip out the front door. Where is Dad? He left a note beside the bread that he was going out with Aj but no more info.

 

I quickly went through my snapchat. Most were from Duck saying he ordered some cds and comics and asked to hang out. Sweet kid. Annnnd none from Violet. Mariana lost our streak.

 

The morning sun feels wonderful to me, even though it used to make an irritating glare on my glasses. I love sunny days, how perfect they can be. "Clementine, aren't you up early and bright?" And it just gets better and better. James Yu Xin, my wonderful Abercrombie-looking-model neighbor two doors down from me, is giving me his white-teethed smile, with his green eyes glittering, his dark hair ruffled and unkept at the moment, and his blue robe showing off a little more than his chest. "Where ya headed?"

 

"I'm just going to the park, catch up on my book and feed the ducks. What are you doing out here, half-naked?" My banter with James has always been playful, and he rolls his eyes. "Mail. Hey, um, do you know some blonde girl came out of your house this morning? She was grumbling and hit your mailbox"

 

My throat closed up and my chest tightened. Shit. "Oh, uh, really?"

 

He nodded at me, a curious look on his face. "Yeah, I was down there earlier with my puppy, and she practically ran herself out your place in her pajamas, and she didn't look all too pleased either. I've seen her around the estate before but I've never seen her near your place. Weird, huh?"

 

"Oh, well, ya know! Sleepovers." My awkward chuckle makes James snort with laughter, and he makes way back into his house. "Sure it was," is the last thing I hear before he slips off his shoes and the door shuts.

 

I can't believe that it's this early and I'm already back to hyperventilating.

 

Stupid James. Putting that sensual image back in my mind. Her flared and soft blonde hair that fell perfectly, her supple pink lips -stop.

 

Her fingers would twitch, and she'd accidently kick me; Her foot is warm.

 

No, you know what? It's Saturday, it's a nice day outside, and I'm going to enjoy it, Vi-free. Vee.

 

And I will try not to vision every pretty girl I pass as her, starting now.

 

Okay, starting now.

 

Okay, staring now.

 

Okay, for real, starting now.

 

Okay, maybe after this one girl, then I'll start.

 

:)

 

It's only about 12:30 pm when I get to the ending in my book. The ducks tore my bread up, and my secluded area remains silent. I wanna lay down, but there's so many germs and parasites that could be residing on the very area that I wanna lay down on. So unsanitary. I opt to leaning back on my elbows, and continue to gaze out at the small pond. So many duckies.

 

One baby duck has a blonde spot of fluff on it's back, and I instantly think about Violet.

 

I'm so sick. It's amazing how it's only been like, two months and yet, everything in my everyday life simply refers back to her. I still can't believe she was in my bed, let alone in my house, sleeping over. I found a sticky note pressed to my forehead (I'm starting to sense a fetish with her) and it read two words.

 

Never again.

 

It didn't take long for me to decipher what she meant. But it didn't really matter, she was in my bed and under the covers with me. It can only be one time, one minute, and that's enough to satisfy my heart forever.

 

I should be in a support group for people like me. 'Hi, I'm Clementine Everett, and I am feeling confused about if I am actually straight.'

 

My sigh is the only thing that breaks the silence, and I continue to let my thoughts run. I imagine ifand I had been best friends from the day of birth, but then everyone would be all,'Clem and Vi are so close, they're just like sisters', and then my mind would imply that if I have a crush on Violet, it's like having a crush on my sister. My mind reverts to something I heard someone shout while heading here.

 

Incest: A game the whole family can play! I shudder and try to retract from such thoughts. Good thoughts.

 

My fingers lost and exploring wild, blonde hair, while her lips gently prodded on mine. My glasses have been excused from my face, but I really don't care for them anyway; My hands will do all the seeing from now on.

 

My face drifts into a frown; I think way too much for my own heart's sake.

 

I just need to realize that maybe her and I just aren't meant to be... After this entire monitoring-thing is over, I greatly suspect that she is going to go back to being her snarkier-self. Hanging with the delinquent labeled crowd, getting detention everyday, insulting my every feature and movement; I really think that's all she comes to school for, to be honest. Just to see me tremble under her gaze. But because of the ever-so-sweet Principle Dad, this might be a chance for her to see me, not see through me. This is why I'm going to cherish moment of this month, no matter how many insults she will say.

 

I wonder if she knows my desperate love for her; I bet if she found out, she'd laugh. Absolutely guffaw until tears were streaming down her cheeks, and she was at loss for a breath. She'd see me, and spew terrible names and jokes, and I'd begin to tremble. She'd lean against Minnie or whatever cronies nearbyfor support.

 

My instincts would take over, and I'd run, until my lungs collapse, and my legs are burning, and the street is gone. Until my vision is twisted and white, and my mind is screaming for me to stop, but I'll just run, to where, I don't know. I'd just keep on running.

 

Maybe I'm being a bit melodramatic. I'd probably just hole up in my room and cry until my eyes were puffy and my mouth was thick with bitterness.

 

But I remember the good things that have began to happen. She slept over at my house in the same bed as me, she had a conversation and didn't (really) insult me.

 

Clementine.

 

She didn't call me loser. She called me Clementine.

 

Sometimes my thoughts can get the best of me, but I feel it. She doesn't purely hate me. I just need to breakthrough that tough skin of hers, and then; Then I'll finally laugh with her, talk with her, be with her. Certainly not anytime soon, but I'm not letting her go. I'll get through to her... someday.

 

So Skyrim officially sucks balls right now. It just crashed and I was RIGHT in the middle of battling the Wargloker's dragon. Some idiot probably took the challenge now. Ugh. Damn.

 

"Hey fuck bucket." I don't object to her popping up in my room at anytime but how does she keep getting in here? "So, what do we study today- Is that Skyrim?"

 

The disc lay flat on my bed, after I had chucked it over there in my moment of anger. "Dude, that game is so gay, it's not even funny." She flops on my bed (I haven't washed the sheets on it since she slept on it, mind you)

 

Now I wonder?Why IS she here? We don't have to study today... "Err, Vi, not to be rude, but why are you here? It's Saturday..."

 

I hear her sigh. "Cuz... loser...Um, do you... Do you wanna go out?With... Me?" I could see the internal battle she had while trying to force that phrase out and- WHAT?

 

Yes, yes, yes, yes, dear God yes, I will marry you right now. My hyperventilation never felt so good. "... To the mall?" NO, NO, no! Noooo!

 

"With me and Minnie?" No, no.

 

Well that killed me. First of all I wanted just her. Second of all it's Minnie and I.

 

Fudge. Shit. "She’s bringing some pals  so you can hang out with them too. Like Gabe" Oh God...Gabe García. He's the boyfriend to some senior chick, also her rival in conning people, and his eyebrows look like Chewbacca.

 

But all in all, he's one of the popular kids, that make fun of me.

 

"So yeah, throw your non-fashionable-mormon clothes on and let's get going. By the way, do NOT bring any of those little... Portable games." She's obviously referring to the large stack of Dragon Ball Z and Pokemon games.

 

:)

 

I didn't mean it. I couldn't help it.

 

"Of all the places, of all the times, today? Why the fuck today?"

 

My feet shift and I feel tears brimming at the corners of my eyes. I'm so stupid.

 

"You totally fucking embarrassed me you stupid nasal-nerd!" My fingers are folded in my lap and I silently watch her pace my floor. "I had to walk through the mall smelling like your barf, your fucking barf all over my shoe! With the dealers standing right there! I told you, I'm not gonna wanna be seen with some girl who can't control her fucking nerd-problems because she's so weird and unsocial. I don't know why I tell myself that this whole tutoring thing is good idea, is stupid. Really stupid."

 

I'd hate to be too descriptive while as to what happened at the mall, but I basically puked a tiny bit on Violet after eating a hot dog, which had lots of gluten in it (And if you've forgotten, I'm deathly allergic), and I unknowingly ate it while staring at her, which immediately backtracked in my stomach and some of it went on her converse.

 

And just to add to the chaos, half of the local gang just happened to be there when it occurred, and Violet was flirting like a kitten,  probably to make Minnie jealous, smiles bright and happiness, and then I just vomited and the smile disintegrated.

 

"Why didn't you just lean to the other side? Instead, you wanted to fucking lean all over me! And you know who was there? Quinton Fabray, Remy Berry, Santiago Lopez, and Brett Pierce. They are known! And now they're gonna talk about with all their other groupie friends! Ugh, everyone at school is gonna find out, then I'm gonna be 'Barf-Girl' for the rest of the year, all because of you."

 

My voice is shaking as I whisper,"I'm... sorry."

 

She scoffs and crosses her arms. The poison daggers in her eyes are burning and ripping through my frail and frightened limbs and she shifts her eyebrows downwards.

 

"Don't be sorry, Clementine. Be sorry for yourself. Be a normal girl, with normal friends, let alone any friends! You're so weird, you can't even associate with another human being without tripping on your face or your ass! No, you know what? Just stay away from me. I hate you and I wish we never met. This was my one chance of getting it with them to get dealing and get money for fucking college and you ruined it. It was my one chance to get the hell out of this shithole and take my parents with me. They already seen me as unable- Ugh! Just stay the fuck away from me." She walks out of the front door and I'm left, silent and trembling. I'm okay.

 

Tiffany then comes running up to me, giving a little nudge at me with nose. I plaster a fake smile on my face as I nod at my cat. "I'm okay, Tiff. I promise." My nails dig into the palms of my hands and I retreat back into my room, gently closing my door.

 

I agree. I'm not popular, not at all. I trip over my words, I literally trip over my own feet. I have sweaty palms and awkward gestures, and I only have one friend in the world, and that's myself. But it's okay, so is the weak feeling in my legs, or the protruding lump in my throat, or the tight feeling in my chest as if my heart muscles are being impaled with claws and knives. And she said that she hates me. That was like hooks were being yanked from my throat, and I would collapse at any given moment. But that's all okay.

 

And when I don't find a sticky-note on my face the next morning, I feel what's left of my heart shatter and shrivel and drop into the hollow of my feet. And that's all I need to realize that I'm not even a little particle in the very back, cold corner of her mind anymore, and her acknowledgement for me is no longer in existence.

 

The burning in my throat will go away, so will the disorted beat of my heart, and the numb feeling on my skin and in my bones.

 

But I'm okay.

 

I promise, I'm okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas everyone! I’m taking tomorrow off to spend time with the famalam. Never let me say famalam ever again. But yes! Take care of yereselves -Ella
> 
> As always comments and critiques are appreciated!


	5. Bonding

It's been two days now.

 

The first time I manage to get my legs to work is when I have to get up for school. I sluggishly pull on my usual attire, and head into the bathroom. I manage getting my eyes working and look up at the mirror. Dad always makes us go extra early to school in the morning so he can work on things.

 

I showered the night before so I just comb it, brush my teeth, floss (Twice, I can't risk getting deep plaque) and head off to school. I roam outside for a bit before heading inside into the locker corridor. And when I get there, I don't deserve what I get. Whispers from people in our year and knowing stares and fruit kicked in between my legs and shoulders shoving. I sigh and go to my locker, the popular guys nearby eyeing me with manipulation. "Aye guys, Miss Walking Flu is back.” Although I don't recognize the voice, I recognize the saying, but I simply keep my tired eyes down to my shoes and continue to make my way to Dads office.

 

As I step into the dark blue office, he pushes away her paperwork and his big brown eyes take a look at me. "Sweetpea, what's wrong?"

 

Everything. The girl I internally melt at hates me. I barfed on her. "I don't-" I clear my throat, my voice dry and drained from energy. Probably because I cried for two days straight. "I probably can't go through with the rest of the tutoring."

 

He twists his face in confusion. "Why? If Violet is giving you a hard time I'll gladly give her a lengthy essay and two weeks of detention, although it wouldn't seem much different from the rest of her days here."

 

I quickly object. "No, no-, it's just... I can't."

 

He sees as to why I don't explain my reasons and doesn't asks any questions. "Well, I guess I can notify her mother about the change... Are you okay?" He slides a comforting hand over mine and it takes everything in me not to breakdown in front of my dad. I nod and bite the inside of my cheek. Before he can talk again, I'm rushing out of the office and down the hallway to first period. It's probably the only place I won't have to face her. Louis passes me by in the corridors and opens his mouth as if to talk but I rush past too quickly.

 

:)

 

I've decided to spend the rest of my time in the school library. It's not like I'll get terrorized in here.

 

"Hey, Clementine right? You alright?" At the feel of my hand on my shoulder, I snap up and glance at the red haired, freckled face girl. Sophie. I nod and turn back to my book, before I hear the accent again. "Look, if you're trying to get me away by ignoring me, it's not working."

 

Why is she talking to me? As much as I can recall, she's friends with Violet. "I know what happened at the mall the other day, Quinton told me. And I talked to her, and she's not the happiest camper right now." Oh God, she was right. I didn't think that it'd get around that quickly, she's probably seething with anger right now. It only makes my chest tighten and my fingers clamp tighter on my book. I shake my head whisper,"I'm sorry."

 

She slides her hand on my shoulder and gives me forgiving eyes. "Clementine, don't be sorry. She is a pain the ass; she only bites your ass because she's sees you as a tiny, hopeless bug that she can step on. You gotta stand up to her, girl!" Sophie gets shushed by several people around her, only for those people to be flipped off by a freckled finger. I see she feels bad after doing that. I shake my head again, and quietly talk. "I'm not... like that. And besides, she has no desire to see my face, let alone hear about me after my... accident at the mall. She said that," I swallow the boulder forming in my throat,"That she hated me. She hated me and wanted me to stay away from her." Sophie seems to sense my discomfort, and shakes her head.

 

"You gotta understand somethin' about Vi; She's a bitch. Bitches yell and scream and fight and after a goodnight's rest, they let the whole thing go the next day."

 

I gaze thoughtfully at her, and again, wonder why she's now speaking to me. I feel like she was put to this; like someone pitied me and begged her to agree. But now, here she sits, with a warm smile, nothing fake to it. She barely paid me attention during morning announcements either.

 

"But I- I threw up on her kind of. Well of her shoe- In front of the West Gang." Sophie chuckles and looks around, before leaning in and whispering,"Well, word is that Santiago and Brett are total butt-buddies. Their leader Jesùs as he goes by which is more taken up with them than the whole drug business. Quinton and Remy are pretty close too, so they shouldn't care about her downfall that much. They’ll recruit her still. And besides, she's only interested in making Minnie actually notice her. To seem badass” Sophie chuckles, her small laughter echoing throughout the quiet library. "But really, Clem, if you wanna get inside Vi, mentally I mean," she winks at me, the blush fusing up my ears and down my neck,"You can't let her flip your ass around like a piece of paper in the wind! Be the wind, Everett!"

 

She receives several more hushes before muttering,"Well, screw y'all too. I'll see you 'round, alright?" She stands up and gives me that warm, comforting smile again, and turns to leave. I almost let her go, before I squeak,"Wait, S-Sophie!" She turns around, and raises her eyebrows. "Yeah?"

 

"Why... Why are-" I look down at the text in the book, then back at her. "Why are you talking to me?" She shrugs.

 

"Just because I hang out with sexist idiots and high ass bitches, doesn't mean I don't have a heart. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got to go to study period."

 

With that, I watch her strut out with her shiny, patent shoes gleaming in the light. Hips going side to side. Mesmerizing.

 

‘When somebody loved me, everything was beautiful. Every hour we spent together lives within my heart.’

 

I stutter out a breath and shut the TV off. Everything thing around me wants to resurrect all the melancholy and gloom that I had fought throughout the last two days to yank back into my stomach and dissolve. But even with the TV off, I still hear the echo of a twisted lyric in my ears. The pang of each piano key dropping down on my heart strings. The bad things starting to bubble back up. And when she was sad, I was there to dry her tears. Jeez. Stop this. Louis would play a more happier song if he was actually with me and not with Marlon.

 

I remember. The tears that had flowed down her cheeks, her forest-colored irises drained and worn. And I was the one she came to. Right nah. I need to stop this sappy shit.

 

And as I sit on my couch in an empty house, I feel a little snap. Somewhere in my brain, deep in the depths of where love should lay, something very delicate and small snap. And all the insults, the mindless pranks were released in in a little growl. I launch my fist towards the lamp beside me. That was a big mistake.

 

"So, you were learning how to dance... And you were spinning, and you hit the lamp?"

 

I nod even though I know he can't see me. "Um... Yeah."

 

"And now it's purple and puffy?"

 

"Yes."

 

"And now the lamp is broken?"

 

I clear my throat and mumble into the phone,"Yes."

 

He lets out a sigh. "Clem, please, be careful while I am out tonight. As for your hand, put it on some ice and try to refrain from using it."

 

"Okay, dad. I'll see you later."

 

"Alright. Love you sweetheart."

 

"Love you too." I let my left hand awkwardly set the home phone back on it's hook, and I stare back at my right hand. My anger had gotten the best of me, and now I have a plum-looking hand and a shattered lamp on the ground. It makes me even more vexed that my hand didn't even do any damage to the lamp, all it did was shove the lamp on the ground. And for the second time that day, I feel something inside of me break. Except this one isn't violent and provoked, this one is very light.

 

:)

 

For the first time ever, I feel happy instead of fearful to see the reckless blonde that I mourn the internal loss of. But it's because of the nasty, puffy red scratch below her eye that make my eyes remain trained on until I bump into her. My books go falling out of my arms, and usually she'd snicker and strut away, but I see her bend over and pick up my history book. But she shoves it back into my arms and I see the glower on her face, the warning look in her eyes; She's so beautiful.

 

"Watch where you're fucking going, Everett."

 

My mouth is agape as I stare ahead, hearing her heels click against the vinyl tiles of the school ground. I can see the watchful eyes that follow her as she rounds the corner, and then she's out of my sight.

 

"Sophie isn't paying her any attention and it's driving her crazy." I gasp and slam against the lockers at the voice in my ear.

 

Sophie. Her red hair was parted at the side and curled.

 

She looks all grown up in her white button up shirt and black skirt. And I'm here in leggings and a green hoodie.

 

She blinks at me. "Um... Alrighty. Walk and talk with me Everett." I nod and quickly catch up with her fast pace. "Well, the word on the street is that Minnie’s attention is Louis of all people, and it's pretty big news." Sophie lowers her voice as we enter my empty first period. "So yesterday, Gabe allegedly saw Louis making out with the girl. And now the rumor has spread like herpes on a summer night, and Violet is in the dumps."

 

"But I thought Violet and Minnie were... Dating?"

 

Leslie gives a loud chuckle. "Making out isn't dating hun."

 

All this vulgar talk makes me really uncomfortable. "Well, I betcha' eighty-seven percent that Violet is comin' to your house after school. All her little "friends" have suddenly disappeared since that rumor got out. Think of her as a bit desperate. She can't go against that class clown Louis. He’s loved. My sister properly likes him too. No competition. She probably won't stay at home either since her mom's out working, and she's so goddamn needy."

 

My house? "M-my house? But sh-she said tha-"

 

Sophie rolls her eyes and interrupts, her hands on her hips,"How many times do I have to tell you, she did not mean what she said! Vi is probably the most simple-minded person you'll ever meet, she probably forgot about the whole thing by now. And quit breathing so hard, I don't want your aspiration."

 

The thought of being alone with her already scares (And pleasures) me, but she's so broken and dark right now, one thing could set her off in a moment. Students begin to clear to homeroom, and that's Sophie’s cue to give one last remark,"I'd be careful if I were you, Vi can bite real hard." She gives me a big smile before straightening her bright headphones that are always around neck, and exiting the room and leaving me alone.

 

Leaving me alone dying.

 

 

:)

 

 

I've dusted the table, disinfected the bar, fluffed the sofas, swept out the family room, restocked the flowers on the coffee table, dimmed the lights, and taken a bath to seem if it would get the smell of nervous sweat and a horny teenager off my skin. It didn't. Mainly because my body only consists of those two things.

 

No, no negative thoughts. Just sit on the sofa and wait for her.

 

What if she comes and yells at me again? Why won't my stupid fucking glasses stop fogging up? Why are my underwear so tight? I knew I should've bought the size five; I'm practically the size of Lebron freaking James right now. Oh God, why isn't that pillow sitting at a one-hundred-eighty degree angle like I set it? That could damage her spinal alignment and then she'll hate me again and then I'll go die again-

 

The doorbell rings. Three times. I scurry over to it and swing it open.

 

The moment my mind stops is when I see quite possibly the most beautiful thing ever. The scratch below her eye is covered in a purple band-aid, and she's in her pajamas, despite it only being seven PM. Her locks of blonde seem to have fallen into natural curliness, her lips are pinks and pouty, and her eyes; They don't even hold the bright, evil glimmer anymore.

 

She says nothing as she shuts the door and walks past me and we walk to the couch. She goes to sit where I was, naturally as far away from me as possible. I remain seated on the sofa with my hands linked to together.

 

I want to laugh at myself as I sit here, acting like I'm strapped to bombs around a sleeping lion. And I mentally count fourteen seconds before she speaks.

 

"What's wrong with you?... Why do you look like that?" I shake my head and quickly respond,"It's nothing."

 

I count one more minute. "Do you like me?"

 

I want to have your children. "Of course I do; Why wouldn't I?"

 

She takes the pillow from behind her and lets her gaze trace over the patterns of it. "Because everyone else in the world seems to not like me."

 

My eyes widen at her sharp language and dear Lord she's getting closer to me. "Minnie. Keeps leading me on. Now everyone in school thinks that I'm a desperate slut."

 

"I wish I was like you sometimes." ... Did she just say that? "You don't have to deal with all this drama and shit. You can wake up, go to school, come home to your family, eat dinner, then go to bed. Not wake up, go to school, sit in detention, make out with a random girl, fall asleep in geometry and English because you can't understand a thing in the textbooks, go home, stay up 'till, like, three, and then fall asleep texting one of your friends. You're really the most simple person I've ever met."

 

I really hope this is happening because so help me, if this is a dream, I will jump off a fucking cliff.

 

Oh, she's crying now. Although, they're not angry like they usually appear; they're silent and soft and shaded. "Like, I wish I didn't have so much of the world wanting to be involved with me, ya know?" I do know, only she'd explained it in her own, creative way. She sniffles and shakes her head. "One day, I just wish that I can actually be happy. My life just... sucks."

 

My throat is so dry. I swallow and murmur, "Vi, you're a really brave girl, you know? So many people wish they were in your position, but they can't, so that's why they can only be in your presence to admire who you are." Why do these things fall out of my mouth with such grace yet I'm internally combusting at how close we are?

 

I want to reach out and stroke away the stray tears that continue to run down her flushed cheeks, but I fear that she'll run away, and hate me again, so I stay in my position at the other end of the sofa while she continues to stare out the window.

 

What is she doing? Oh dear, why is she getting closer?

 

Oh my God. She's leaning on me. Not beside me, but on me. She's barely touching the side of my arm, but still, she's touching me.

 

I knew I should of hid that extra pair of underwear in the spice cabinet. These ones are definitely unwearable now.

 

Oh no. My lungs. "I'm just tired of being nice to people who don't give two shits about me," is the sentence she trembles out with ease, and it's taking all of my might to uphold my breathing correctly and not go limp on her lap. She sighs contently and for a few more inches, leans deeper into me. There's that tingle in my throat. I know I'm forgetting something right now... Oh, breathing.

 

I can feel every inch by inch as she gradually presses deeper into my burning, flushed arm. My lungs are beginning to serve no purpose to my body, due to the lightheaded feeling that supposed to only surround my head, not my whole entire freaking body.

 

Her head is resting lightly on my shoulder. I don't dare rest my chin on her head though.

 

Dammit, the teenage sweat is back. It's back and I'm so hot and my throat is closing and my legs are perishing and my glasses if I hadn't taken them off when she rang the doorbell would be fogged up.

 

She sniffles once more before standing up. "I'm gonna head home now." My legs somehow manage to work and I walk her to my front door, and then she nods at me as I swing it open. "So, thanks for... Everything. Like, really, thank you, Clementine." Why is she getting closer again? I can't take anymore, please, no more.

 

Oh no, she's gonna hug me. And then her arms come around my waist as she gives me a small hug. And she's such a warm girl, and the scent of the soft vanilla breezes pass me, one that dazes me everytime we cross paths in the hallway. And I can feel her fingertips pressed on the skin of my stomach, and I melt deeper and deeper into her light grasp. I lightly wrap my arms around her neck. We stay like that for a second or so and I tighten my grip just slightly.

 

And then she quickly pushes herself away from my body, with a look of repulsion, disgust, and horror neatly painted on her face. I guess she realized she was hugging me.

 

"Uh, bye Clementine."

 

And then she runs out of my house.

 

...

 

...

 

Oh my God. Violet called me Clementine again. Oh my God. Violet Keane leaned on me. Oh my God. And she hugged me. She hugged me. She hugged me.

 

Oh hi ground I missed you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I may get into Glee. Perhaps. Thank you to Lauren for the inspiration of this chapter! I appreciate you! -Ella


	6. Drunken Mistakes

I kind of lost count of what day it is. What year it is. Probably who I am, even. I might possibly be going mad, because last night, the unreal happened. I, Clementine Everett was hugged by Violet Keane. I was. Me!

 

I had to check that I hadn't really walked off a cliff and was dead the whole time because I just can't believe that she hugged me.

 

My jaw almost hit the ground.

 

"Ah, my favorite student and my most...unique student. Miss Keane, grades are closing for this semester soon, and if you don't pull up at least four out those seven grades, you are undoubtedly going to fail this quarter."

 

We sit in Dads leather-clad office, and I can feel the shock that radiates off of Violet. She gives a bitter laughs and eyes the beautiful woman behind the desk. "Are you trolling me, Leeah ?"

 

Dad laughs and gives his signature look to the firey blonde. "On the contrary, I am not trolling you, Violet-"

 

I see the dent that her claw of a nail slices into the leather texture and she growls,"Ugh." Dad only raises his eyebrows in challenge as she grunts and collapses back into the chair with a pout. Dads face softens as he smiles at me, I can feel her gaze on me and oh, there go my underwear. "As for you, Clementine, despite what you told me yesterday, I don't want to give up on Miss Keane just yet. I know and you know she's capable of so many extraordinary things, but she has yet to get past that ego of hers."

 

The blonde scoffs. "I'm right here!"

 

"Anyway, I can't let you walk out on her. I see where you and her are, on terms of sociality." Violet snorts and chuckles,"Yeah, I'm hot and she's not." Dad narrows his eyes at her and continues,"And I don't want that to be the barrier between you two."

 

He stands up and stares at her with a look of pity. "Violet, for as long as I can remember, you have been the light of the school, at center stage of all drama shows. You've been able to do what you want, whenever you please, of course, with detention in tow. But that has to change right now, or I promise you, you won't be seeing any of these friends next year. You can't let popularity mess with your head, or it'll all come crashing down and drag you with it. All the attention, the girlfriends, the parties, the vaping, the drugs, where will it take you eh? How is that going to help the next day?"

 

She keeps her eyes trained low, anywhere that isn't Dads face while I twiddle with my fingers, uncomfortable in the dense conversation. "Now, I expect a full essay on my desk tomorrow on what you want your future to be and how you expect to get there, and I expect Clementine to tell me you actually showed up to your tutoring, too."

 

I feel her eyes burn into the side of my face. I can't bare to meet those dark, warning green eyes with my weak gaze. And she grabs her satchel and says nothing and storms out of the office.

 

Dad sighs and settles back into his wheely seat. "Good luck, sweetheart."

 

I nod, and mutter,"Thank you," before grabbing my binder and awkwardly shuffle out the room and into the crowded hallway. As an instinct, my eyes immediately catch blaring blonde hair of Emaline, as she talking with a large group of boys and girls, Minnie included. Two girls keep asking her questions, and I see her nod and smile; It's a fake smile.

 

I see the tight-lipped one she gives two the brunette girl as she nods again, and the group begin to drag Emaline away. And for a moment, I swear I see a glint of regret in her eye.

 

:)

 

"Vi is pissed. That talk the principle gave her musta' been serious, huh?" I nod as Sophie and I make our way to my front door. I sigh,"She said that Violet might as well just give up on her amazing life if she doesn't bring her grades up."

 

"Well, she really isn't the brightest girl in school. That's you."

 

I blush. Most people mock me for my smarts, never once have I gotten a compliment for them. "Uh, thanks."

 

I open my front door and we both go in. Sophie perches herself on the arm of my sofa and stares out the living room window onto the quiet street outside. “Marlon is throwing a party tonight. I know that Violet is most likely gonna show up to that party after she's done with you."

 

And before I know it, Violet is popping through the doorway. "I'm here, loser. Let's get this over with..." Her sentence dies as the sees the freckled-face red haired girl sitting in my living room. "Soph? Why are you here? With her?"

 

"I'm havin' a conversation, Vi." Oh no, no, don't argue, my hands get clammy.

 

"Don't call me Vi. But- When did you start talking to her? Like... Why?"

 

"She's my friend, Violet. Maybe if you started actually talkin' to her like she's a human instead of a puppy then you'd actually get to know her better. And why are you here? You don't have study today?" My hair might as well be on fire because the rest of my body is blushing so hard as Sophie turns to me and begins to grin.

 

"Ohhh, alright. I'll see you two later.” She begins and Violet rolls her eyes as she sits on the armchair across from us.

 

I stand up with the girl to walk her out. Holy fuck. My breath catches in my throat as Sophie leans over and wraps her arms around my neck and tugs me so I’m pressed against her. I think there’s a large possibility that I am gay. Violets gaze is upon us in an instant and I close my eyes to avoid it, returning the hug. Sophie smells like flowers. I wish I was a bee.

 

She leans back slightly to smile at me, her arms still around my neck. “I hope to see you at Marlons tonight!” Sophie whispers before letting go and winking at a scowling Violet.

 

“Bye Vi, bye Clementine." I can hear her laughter as she shuts the door, and now all I can feel is Violet’s eyes on me, burning into me.

 

"God, why does everyone want to shit on my day? Nevermind, let's just do this essay-thing so I can get it over with. I'm here anyways."

 

"Okay, uh-"

 

"Hissss." Oh no, Tiffany. She scoffs,"Oh hell nah, take your cat back to it's cage. I don't wan't it anywhere near me." Oh dear, Tiffany.

 

"Tiffany, go back to my room, I'll only be a here while." Tiffany turns on her paw, neatly whips her tail straight onto Violet’s arm, and saunters back into the hallway. "Er, let's get started."

 

As usual, she has no motivation whatsoever. But I can't really do anything about it, due to the fact that she looks so beautiful in her denim jacket and black top and I can't really breathe or make my heart work properly when I'm around her. I clear my throat. "So, let's do the essay first, then we'll start studying."

 

"Whatever," she drawls out. She pulls out a bit pencil and a piece of paper from her tote bag and eyes the paper. She prints her name and the date in the right hand corner-

 

"Could you, like, leave? I hate when people are watching me."

 

"Um, okay. Yeah. I'll go in the... kitchen." I find it very hard to believe that Violet doesn't like when people watch her, because the fact that everyone watches her at school and basks in her her presence still firmly stands. I sit at the dinner table but continue my silent watch through the bar.

 

Every now and then, I'd see her quickly glance at me, and then she'd rapidly erase something and scribble it back down.

 

She's so stunning. I would give my everything to simply be in the presence of her and not faint, maybe even make her smile at me. I wish we were friends. And if we were together as friends of course; I'd most likely start failing school, not only because she blinds my abilities to process as a normal human being, but because she likes skipping class. How would I handle being alone with her? How could I resisting saying 'No' to her? And the opportunity to feel her baby-skin, to madly press against her while it's most unexpected? I can't. I couldn't. I never will.

 

"Um. Clem!" Go, run, go, she's calling me! I sprint out the kitchen and compose myself as I near her. "Yes?"

 

"Is this... Is this spelled right?" She points to a word on her paper. "Pedometer?" I mouth.

 

Wait, why is that even relevant to her future? "Actually, your 'd' is backwards." She sighs,"Thanks." I nod and scatter back to the kitchen table.

 

Over a course of minutes, I see that she bites her bottom lip when she's often stumped. It's really fascinating, actually. And as I watch her more, for the first time, I see her; Not the snob, not the swearing-sailor, but her. The gentle, pacific blondehead.

I don’t think blondehead is a word.  

"Done!"

 

I walk over to as she shoves the paper into my hand. "I can't wait to go Marlon’s par-tay! Are you going?" She asks, pointing to me. And naturally, I stutter.

 

"I- Uh, I- It's a school night, so-"

 

"What am I saying, of course you didn't get invited, paha!" Heh, that didn't hurt at all.

 

I think she sees my temporary sadness, because the next thing that comes out of her mouth is unexpected and very unusual. "I mean, I won't stay at the party for long I don't think? Maybe I'll come and play some video game with you. Maybe, I don't know."

 

I continue fiddling with my pencil and nod once. I guess she thought I’d say something because she keeps looking at me for a few more seconds.

 

Where'd my voice go?

 

She lightly drags her hand over my forearm and stands up."I gotta go and get hot, so later." My jaw is most likely to dislocate if I keep my mouth open any longer, but I can't help it. Is she actually giving away her time to dedicate some to me?

 

But then again, words are just words, they don't have to mean anything.

 

It's exactly 11:52 PM, and I'm nearly asleep. Tiffany is curled up against my arm, and I'm about to close my eyes, when I hear the softest knock at my door.

 

Aw shit, I can't get up. I push myself. My feet slide across the floor and shit, I'm too tired to even think right now. As soon as I get to the the door, I wonder who the fuck is knocking at my door at this time of night, on a school night. Like, dude, are you having your first time and you don't have any condoms? Or did you get you balls stuck in a blender or something?

 

... Wow, that was... different.

 

I crack the door open and dear Lord, it's Violet. I'm awake now.

 

"Heya, lamppost, beanstalk, tall tall, I'm, uh... I wanna- I wanna come in you."

 

What? WHAT?

 

I gulp,"Pardon me?"

 

"I mean, I wanna come in you're house. You're so silly, thinking I wanna sex you down." It's apparent that Violet is either very, very drunk or very, very high, as her usual forest orbs have become glossy and her hair is everywhere and there's various stains and bloshes on her outfit. As she takes one step towards me, I see her body do a short tremor and then I'm catching her in my arms. The smell of a strong alcohol floods my nose, and she is stammering disjointed words. Throughout her mumbles, I hear her say,"Can I take a bath?"

 

While I would strongly recommend this, I don't want her to accidently drown herself and I'm arrested because I'm the only one around. Although, I could check on her once or twice...

 

No. That's wrong. That's an invasion of her privacy.

 

Fuck, I'm blushing so hard. Her body is just so warm. Did she walk here? All the way from Marlon’s? As we make it to my room, as I've been practically dragging her, I settle her at the foot of my bed. Tiffany has scampered away somewhere, most likely due to her presence, but I enjoy the silence. She's so calm at the moment, and it makes me wonder more why she's come to my house and not gone home. "Clementine?"

 

"Yes, Violet?" I sigh out.

 

I swear I hear her giggle when she says,"I'm gonna barf."

 

"Oh dear, um, come to the bathroom." As much as I like Vi, the bacteria in vomit is uncountable and I just can't handle the fact of it being on my bed... Okay I probably would handle the fact very well just because it's Violet’s but still, no germs.

 

I grab her by the wrist and speed-walk her to my bathroom, where I lift the toilet seat up and let her kneel over the bowl. I don't even realize I'm holding my breath until I can feel my lungs tightening and I shakily exhale. "Are you feeling okay?" She's kneeling over the toilet with her hair flooding down her face, which I should put up, but she slowly brings her head back up. She looks at me with the most innocent gaze, and shakes her head.

 

"No, I'm not. I need... I need a bath, I feel like I went swimming in scum. And you what scum is made of? Cu-"

 

"How about we get you cleaned up and th-then we c-can go to sleep, I guess." My stutters begin as my dirty thoughts reappear. Her outfit already looks very uncomfortable, all tight, dark jeans and a plaid shirt that hugs her body in all the right places; but she smells strongly of a combination of vodka, sweat, and perfume, and I can't let her stay like this, filthy and sticky. "You can go take a shower first, and I'll get you some extra clothes." She nods and I exit the room, looking for the pajamas that she had cut up days ago, during her first sleepover with me. That night has yet to be forgotten.

 

It's not really a task for me to find her shorts since they're right on top of my dresser, and then I get out a tank top that undoubtedly is too big for her but hey.

 

She successfully bathes without drowning, although I do panic a few times when I mistake her singing for yelping. And now she's stepping out my bathroom in a towel, still very doe-eyed and giggly- Fuck. She's only in a towel.

 

Holy parallel angles, she's only in a towel. I'm dead, I'm so dead, I'm not breathing. If her drunken state lets her hand slip from holding the towel around her seething, damp body, she will be exposed and I will die. My bronchi should be shriveled up by now and I should a dead, rotting corpse. My hand flies my eyes and I hold the clothes out in her direction. "Here's, your c-clothes." I don't even realize she's reaching for the clothes until I feel her fingers graze mine and I feel my knees tremor and my nerves short out, and she whispers,"Thanks."

 

I love you.

 

It takes a while for her get the clothes on correctly, having come out the bathroom with something backward or on the wrong body part several times. She stumbles towards my bed and collapses on top the covers, and because I don't wanna disturb her, I awkwardly lay on top them top too. They lamp is turned off, and I lay with my hands on my stomach, and my body a respective distance away from Violet.

 

Why do I hear sniffling? It isn't that cold and lonely in my room... Wait, it's her. Is she... crying?

 

I turn my head and notice the soft jerks of her body with each sob. "Are you okay?" I see the shift of her head from side to side, and continues her sniffling. She croaks,"I- I want to be different."

 

I lean up on my elbow, and I'm tempted to reach out and rinse my fingers through her hair that's cascading on my pillow. I whisper back,"How so?"

 

"What Principal Everett said; I didn't really care about it. And when I went to Marlon’s party, everything started... hitting me." My heart begins a slow pang at her words as I listen on."I was making out with so many girls trying to get my mind off of one who probably doesn’t even like me back, some I barely even knew or just didn't know at all, and I was dancing and these guys kept giving me this weird-flavored beer, and this everything just kept repeating itself. Then I made out with that girl from chemistry, Tyler, I don't know. She had taken me up to one of the empty rooms, and we were just kissing and taking clothes off, but then I told her to stop." She's stopped sniffling by now, but I can still hear the melancholy slice through her voice. Her body flips to where she's on her back I can see the little glimmers dried up tears have made on her skin.

 

"Everything just hit me in the face when I realized what I was doing, and I felt so... disturbed. Like, half of the girls I made out with have girlfriends, and- and I didn't care. I felt dirty... and I just wanted to cry until I could cry anymore. I know I'm apparently popular, but after I think about all that, I realize, I'm so..." She pauses and I only just hear her rasp,"Lonely."

 

“Violet, I-“ I’m cut off

 

“Do my parents even see me? Why is it they only see me when I’m in trouble? Literally. They don’t go to parent teacher meetings. They go to principal meetings. I’m trying. Why don’t they see that? It’s not like they’re blind either! Dad has great vision. He doesn’t even need stupid glasses. No offense-“

 

“None taken.” I deadpan.

 

“I get it that they’re both busy with all their jobs and I know my ways of helping are fucked up but I am trying! You see that don’t you?” Violet looks at me with wide eyes and I nod.

 

I don't know if it's possible, but through the moonlight, I can see the shattered insides of her. She's so isolated from anybody to love, and it destroys me knowing that if I tried doing something about it, it wouldn't be right. My eyes go back to staring into darkness, and I'm just pondering at what to do next. My question is answered as I feel her pressing closer to me. And for the first time in my life, I don't have to the urge to hide in a corner and weep, or hyperventilate, or even faint.

 

I'm momentarily depressed because I know that this is partially the alcohol's affect, but I mind that Violet is nudging closer into my side, and all sad thoughts are easily forgotten.

 

As soon as she's close enough, I round a hesitant arm over shoulder. Her body is so frigid yet burning when my arm reaches it, and I'm surprised at my intimate gesture, but I only know of the best when it comes to her. We're pressed close together, and I feel a bit better knowing that she can feel a bit better too. When she's shifting, I think it's to get closer, and in way, she does, and in another, she murders me.

 

The strong, familiar smell of Everclear surrounds my nose, and then I feel the soft lips of Violet Keane’s on mine.

 

... Oh... My... God...

 

My first instinct is to scream, but I hold that down, as I realize Violet is kissing me.

 

Violet. Is kissing me? Violet is kissing me. Clementine Everett. Vi is kissing Clem. Has reality decided that this sentence should be genuine? Never has one day went by where I haven't day-dreamed hours and hours on about this, imagining picking flowers off the ground and plucking petals, murmuring,'She loves me, she loves me not', doodling awkwardly shaped hearts around the portmanteau of our name; just kidding I didn’t do the last one. Okay I ONCE did the last one. And now my dream, now it's happening.

 

The many tales I've heard from school are now useless to me; Violet kisses like a soft, delicate angel, not the opposite, wild side I've always seemed to hear of. I'm like a rock against her cotton-candy movements, still trying to relieve the shock that's paralyzed me from head to toe. Despite this being my first time ever, my first kiss ever, I push all my heart into it. And then I'm doing it right; I'm kissing her, with my lips glissading every inch of hers, trying to capture every moment I can before my body begins it's mental breakdown.

 

She maneuvers my legs, soft hands on my thighs, so that I’m straddling her. My shaky hands latch onto her shoulders first and then travel around to her neck and cheek. I want her. I want us closer. Closer. We're already pressed against one another and her lips have already travelled to my jaw. My head tilts back so far it could fall off. Our lips join back together messily and the smallest moan leaves her mouth. Fuck.

 

But when I feel her hand slide under the waistband of my shorts, something in me cringes. It brings me to pull back and gaze into misty, dilated eyes. I gently take her wandering hands and hold them in mine and watch her slowly register my absence, her tongue flicking out to wet her lips. "Where'd... you go?" You're beautiful and I want to marry you, but I just can't.

 

I can't do this to her. Not when she won't remember anything the next morning, and she's obviously so drunken now that if I hadn't stopped I'd probably be naked right now. As much as I was loving this, my body was telling me this was so right in every way, but my mind was telling me it was wrong, and I was too far. Thank goodness she won't remember a thing tomorrow morning, thanks to Everclear liquor, or I might as well commit suicide now.

 

"Violet, I- You need sleep." She smiles at me and tugs her hands away to rest them on my waist pulling my hips flush against hers. She mumbles,"But I was having fun. And I was feeling better. You always make me feel better." I open my mouth to respond, but as usual, nothing comes out, so instead I climb off of her ignoring her whine and get under the covers with my back turned to her and my respective distance welcomed back. Moments later, I hear little snores, and I take it she's asleep.

 

That was so amazing, but it felt wrong. Like, I was using her, I was taking advantage of her. I rather stay in the shadows and watch her hips sway in the hallways any day than kiss her while she's drunk. But something is telling me this is wrong her part too; that she used me for her own personal use, like a brand-new toy. And then all the crooked, messed-up pieces fall into place; I was used. Wasn’t I?

 

I should be mad, I should be offended, I should be kicking her out of my bed and telling her to get out my house, but I'm not, and I won't. Someday, I'll kiss her without the consent of alcohol and it'll be the best kiss ever.

 

I can only hope that this won't happen again, and that I won't become a blanket of security, when I want to become the love of her life.

 

And when I wake up the next morning, she's still right next to me, and I feel a little bit better, yet even worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to all those who dmed me ideas! I did hit a writers block there! I hope I did your wonderful thoughts justice x As always comments and critiques are much appreciated! -Ella


	7. Aftermath

I've been laying in bed for ten minutes now, trying to inch myself out of it as Violet breathes gently on my neck. Her leg is crossed over my stiff, straight one while her arm is draped across my torso.

 

The things this girl does to me...

 

Despite my tremendous effort, I'm still in the same position that I was before; right against her, her body mended against mine.

 

I know as soon as she wakes up, she'll either do one of two things: One, wake up with a massive headache and stay in my bed all day being quiet to avoid Lee, or two, wake up with a massive headache, figure out that she's been holding me in her sleep, throw up, and go home.

 

Those both sound very likely to me.

 

"Ugh..."

 

The angel has arisen.

 

:)

 

"Hey Clementine, could you hand me the tape?"

 

Two weeks have passed since the whole incident. It feels like it only happened yesternight. That’s a thing right? Yesternight. Anyways. I pass her one of my many Washi tapes and continue to stare down at my own, finished project. Tiffany has curled up on my side and is tentatively watching her, and it's nearing one in the morning. She didn't remember anything from that night. Not that I do want her remember...I kinda wish she remembered she kissed me. There. I said it.

 

Not a single thought of the night before had crossed through her mind. Although, she remembered arriving to the party, and after her first drink,'Everything is just hazy.' A snap in front of my face makes me turn my neck towards her. "Clementine, scissors: give them to me. Chop chop! Hah. Get it? Chop chop?" I sullenly hand her the scissors and let a silent sigh drift through my nose.

 

I am head over heels for her, and it hurts so bad.

 

She's popular, and I'm a loser. A stuttering, fumbling, dopey-eyed loser. I'm a loser, and she's a graceful, fiery, beautiful being.

 

For just one day, I wish I could hold her in my arms, and tell her that I actually admire her, and I love her. Not for her clothes, or for her stupid, butt headed kinda girlfriend on the drama committee , but her. That's all I really want; her. If anything, if she could say that she doesn't hate me, that would make my heart giggle and flop. I only have one person in the world: myself. Louis too actually. Anything else around me is just meant to malign me or revile at me, and I solely think she is the center of it all. But why do I like her so much then? I don't understand myself, but if I could only tear myself away from the haze that's she put on me, maybe I could finally see why; I love her. I love her so much.

 

A drunken, forgotten affair; that's all I was for her.

 

But I can't have her. I can't drag my fingers through her strands. Or have her jump into my arms and squeeze me tightly after a long day of school, or have her keep me up all night talking about nonsense over the phone. Or giggle and squeeze my arm when she's nervous or excited, or scribble all over my left hand with a gold Sharpie. Or let her kiss me until my knees go weak and she smiles into the kiss as her hand pulls me closer. Physical pain will never compare to the excessive, incinerating burns I feel notch through my heart tissue when I see her kiss someone other than me. All I need is to be with you. If only I could open up my mouth and tell you how I feel.

 

Dad smiles at us albeit confused as he heads across the living room and up the stairs, a piece of toast in his mouth. "Violet, Clem. Having a good morning girls?

 

She only nods and slightly smiles, reaching over me and replacing the scissors for glitter. Her hand almost misses my thigh, and her pinky brushes against it. She doesn't care, as usual, but my body reacts in a way that is accustomed to me; shivers, and my ears lighting up like Christmas lights. Touch me, just once more.

 

It's silent until she speaks up again once Dads gone upstairs.

 

"That's my nickname for you."

 

"Huh?" She sighs at my confusion and nudges me. "Clem. Tell your dad to call you something else. Only I can call you that" She says simply and keeps eye contact with me before moving to glue something to something while I stare at her a bit dumbfounded. I stutter out some version of agreement.

 

And then I'm back with Vi, silent as she finishes another overdue project. She used to come over we'd study, or make up some work, which was actually just me doing it while she slept on the couch- But now, she'll come and get her stuff out, and never mention too many words to me, and finish it.

 

She is the most difficult person I've ever known.

 

Yet she is the most loveliest person I've ever known.

 

:)

 

I sit at lunch by myself with Louis and his friends and eat a sandwich and sugar cookie, a nibble only munched out of the sandwich. I can barely keep anything down at this point, as I watch the blonde of my dreams giggle and squirm against...her.

 

Minnie.

 

She’s the center of attention, 'Hazel-blue eyes', as Violet has been describing them, a taut body, and no one, even myself, could deny that her and Violet make a cute couple. If you look past the whole arguments and spats. They always sit at their tree or their tables during lunch, whereas I sit at my usual table, gazing across the obstreperous, crowded room, right unto my only want; Violet. And the last slice of pizza roll but I’m too shy to get it. Today, she waltzed in the lunch room with her, hand in hand with her, and a bright smile plastered across her unpainted lips, similar to the one I'd gotten yesterday. She'd left my house with a quick but sweet smile to me, in which my heart jolted and sped between my ribs, and I could only give a dopey grin back.

 

And I'd come to school this morning, ready to learn with my hopes high from her bright grin, only for everything to be crushed by the sight of her kissing the tip of Minnie’s nose.

 

I should be happy. I am happy. A happy Vi is a happy Clem. Right?

 

I glance at the table again, and then she gives the red head a dreaded, sweet, sensual kiss, right in front of everyone on the table. I hear numerous cheers and wolf-whistles, and as she pulls back from her lips, Minnie smiles deeply with her eyes still closed, like an angel had touched him right on the spot; it's like a carving knife etches out the word,'PAIN', into my heart, and I can feel every nick and slit.

 

I can't do this. I can't watch anymore of them.

 

The library. I'll go there. No one goes in there anyway.

 

I pack up my barely-touched lunch up and speed-walk out of the room, and make it to the library in top time. Louis calls out to me. Ruby does too.

 

I don't know what I kind of pain I'm experiencing right now, but my heart hurts. Physical and emotional, and all too painful.

 

"Hey Clem, how does it go? You're lookin' a little pale there, by the way." I can't breathe. I just want to be in Violet’s arms. I wheeze,"Hi Sophie."

 

"It's deserted in here, what're you doin' here? How come ya' not with Vi or Louis?" Vi. My chest clenches again at the name, and I squeeze my eyelids together and shake my head.

 

"Woah, you're shakin' now. Clem, what's wrong?"

 

But it's too late, and before I can catch another breath of air, all my concealed rage has drowned me in darkness. Edgy.

 

Where am I?

 

It's so dark.

 

Do I have my eye mask on? Has the sun died? Ah my eyes are closed.

 

I should open my eyes maybe.

 

"You really need to stop fainting at school, you're takin' away all my free time for cute girls." That would be Louis’ voice. I see a blur of elbow hit him in the stomach, and-Violet. She's here. Why?

 

"Lou, don't be a jackass, she's your best friend for fuck's sake. Have some sympathy for at least one time," She barks. Louis grimaces at her and his face softens as he turns to me again. "You alright?" I nod and I take note of my location: The nurse's office.

 

"Is she okay?"

 

Minnie. What is she doing here?

 

Sophie runs a hand over my forehead and gazes sympathetically at me. She eases,"Clem, you passed out cold a few minutes ago. What happened?" Before I can open my mouth the Nurse Sarah is pushing back the teens and squinting into my face. "Miss Everett, did you know you've fainted nearly four times in the passed month?" I nod. "Clementine, it seems that you have a more severe case of fainting than I thought- You have to be more careful with what you do, cutie, or one day the fainting might be a little too-harsh on your body."

 

These constant stares make me very nervous. "I'm fine," I mutter. "Can I go back to class now?"

 

"I'm afraid you have to be sent home." I stay silent as Nurse Pretty walks away, and I'm left with Violet, Louis, Sophie, Minnie and Duck staring intently at me. "I do feel like a little afternoon break, actually," Sarah snickers. Ruby holds my hand gently in hers, I didn't notice her till now.

 

"You guys wanna skip the rest of the day, too? I have like, five pairs of extra bikinis and swimsuits in my car." Violet smiles in the cute, devious way she always does, but Minnie takes her hand and backtracks,"Baby, I don't think you need to. You've got all these major projects with me, and I wouldn't want you to miss all of 'em. You're my partner and we need to get work done or else we both fail. What about tomorrow?" Violet only tilts her head and tightens her lips at him. "I'll make them up, Clementine can help me anyway. Right, Clem?"

 

They all stare at me, and I look around, before quickly nodding and forcing out a strangled,"Yeah." Her green eyes watch me once more and she smiles. "Good. Let's roll." Sophie and Louis race to Violet’s car and she is about to rocket out too until Minnie grabs her hand. "Violet, you really shouldn't do this, it's not gonna look good on my report card if I fail these classes." Violet scoffs and jerks her hand away, snarking,"Min, it's just one day, what's your deal? I told you, I'll make up the things I missed."

 

“I don’t know why you’ve got this attitude Violet, I'm only telling you this for your own good; you have terrible grades right now, and you shouldn't be skipping just to spend the day wasting time at the beach. And I’m not letting your terrible grades become our terrible grades" She glares at her, grabbing my backpack and taking my hand. Fuck, fuck, she's touching my hand. "You know, the least you could is try and act supportive of my choices and trust that I’ve got this, like a good girlfriend would."

 

She sighs,"Violet, I'm not-"

 

"No, fuck it. It's whatever now. C’mon, Clem." She pulls me up, and she waltzes past her, dragging me along in her tracks. I'm tempted to turn around and give her a sympathetic look, but then I decline. I'm too engrossed in her the way that her palm is rubbing against mine, and the way her fingernails are lightly grazing my knuckles. I know God closed his eyes when he was putting the final touches of perfection on her. Ruby and Duck follow behind us.

 

Duck muttering about missing classes.

 

Before I know it, we're in the back of Vi’s shitty Prius and Violet and Ruby and Sophie are stripping (into barely anything, mind you) in the backseat while I’m perched in the far end of the corner. She’s carrying on a conversation with me. I can see her abdomen, and the way the muscles flex underneath her soft-skin as she shimmies in the bikini bottoms.

 

I should just fling myself out the window now.

 

:)

 

Before I can inch myself out the car, Violet and Sophie are shoving past me and sprinting out unto the deserted beach. It was actually very beautiful; the sun was setting and illuminating the waves with an mellow, orange-reddish hue, and the way the ocean is so serene and pacific. I'm just gonna sit down.

 

Louis and Duck step out of the car, with swim shorts and nothing else over that. "Are you gonna swim Clem? I-I saw a one-piece that Vi bought and never wore." Louis asks. I shake my head and lightly laugh,"That's alright. I don't want you to be bothered with the burden of me accidentally drowning or something." He looks a bit sad and races after the boys and Ruby follows. She’s less quiet than usual today and I like it. I slowly begin my path after them

 

"Clementine, come get in the water!" I shake my head at Sophie’s request, and sit in the sand, instead watching Violet jump on top of Louis, roughhousing, and Duck jumping on top of her.

 

This is what I want; smiles and laughter and happiness. And her. That's all I want.

 

It wasn't even ten minutes until they had gotten into the water when I heard Violet. I looked away from the bright sunset and glanced at the blonde, who was hurriedly rushing back the shore, bouncing on her right foot. "Fuck, fuck, fuuuuuck. God, what the hell kind of ocean is this?" She bounces until she's right next to me, hissing and holding her very, very bloody foot.

 

"I think I got bit by a fucking crab out there." I search my pockets and luckily, there's one tissue in there, and a band-aid (In case I fall and scrape my eye, because it's me we're referring to) and I murmur to her,"Hold still." She still hissing and rocking back and forth, and then I press the tissue to the cut. "Fucking shit!"

 

"It's okay, the pressure will ease the pain and stop the bleeding." I take the tissue off and slide the band-aid on the cut, and she sighs in relief. "Thanks, Everett." I nod and look back at the ocean, waiting for her to scoot away from me or make a snide remark, but surprisingly, she remains next to me, watching the orange fade below the ocean.

 

"I should text Minnie." Whether she was talking to herself or me, it still puts a pang in my heart, but I ignore it. My body has gone stale from all the pain nowadays. "But whatever, I don't even wanna think about her right now. She was only trying to help. But she didn’t need to be so harsh dude.”

 

It's silent for only a minute when she asks,"Why do you pass out so much?"

 

I shake my head in response; How am I supposed to her that she's the cause of my every bodily problem? "I guess there's something wrong with me," I whisper. There is something desperately wrong with me; my heart falling for a girl that I know I could never have. A beautiful, popular, not so straight girl. I don't even think that I'm gay. It's just her I want. Maybe bi.

 

"Do you think I'm a bitch?"

 

I turn to look at her and she's gazing at me with curious, green eyes. "You're not a bitch. You're just very... critical of things."

 

"Woooah, I've never heard you curse before. Someone's a bad-ass now, huh?" She nudges me in the shoulder with a finger and I lightly smile. It's silent again, and it's a peaceful; Violet and I, on the beach, moderately close to eachother.

 

"What's your favorite song?"

 

"Don't have one."

 

She tilts her head in that thoughtful way and sighs.

 

"You're different, Clem." I'm aware of this, yes. "Good different. You're not really popular, and you don't have a lot of boyfriends, and you get teased a lot, but the weird part is, you deal with me." I listen to her soft words as we watch Duck and Ruby play wrestle in the ocean. Is Duck flexing? Asaim won’t be happy.

 

"When I was maybe five or six, my dad and mom got divorced, and so I thought this was all my fault. My dad had always told me, he couldn't,'Deal with me', and so I assumed I was a problem for him. I thought that was why they both work so much. So, I guess that triggered something in the back of my mind to not be in people's way all the time. Be in front of them. Be the one in charge. And... You see how I am. But what I guess I'm trying to say is that I am really shocked that you haven't given up on me, even though I'm a constant bitch to you." She looks over at me, and I turn back to look at her.

 

Deep breath.

 

"... Yes, sometimes you really demean me, and yes, sometimes you really have to always be one step ahead of everyone, but I don't care about that. I care about you. Not only because I know you aren't such a bad person everyone thinks you out to be, but because I know that there's a lot more things you could do if you just believed in yourself. I believe you. You have every dream in world to catch, and no one is stopping you. And take this from someone who doesn't have a lot to believe in, or doesn't have any friends."

 

"I'm your friend." We continue to gaze at eachother, and my heart is threatening to beat and burst right out of my chest again.

 

"Clementine, Violet! Quit making out and let's get goin'! It's been like three hours!" Time passes quickly when your in love, Sophie.

 

I stand up as Violet grabs my left hand and yanks on it, bouncing up only to hiss and fall down again. "My foot hurts too badly. Gimme a piggy-back ride?" I smile and crouch down, her thin arms roping around my neck and her legs crossing around my waist. How I'm so calm and collected, I don't know right now. But whenever I feel her chest rise and fall against my back, I keep my shivers down and maintain our way to the car.

 

"You have really pretty hair," she murmurs into my hair.

 

"Thank you." A blush crosses my face; No one has ever really told me that.

 

"This was a nice day, huh? Got to hang out with you and just take a break from all the shit." She self-consciously scratches her finger nails against my sweater clad-arm, but I can still feel the little streaks that she makes and her nail moves up and down. It feels so nice to be so loved. God, help me. "Yeah," I murmur back. I finally get to the car, and I turn and set her in, and slide in after her, waiting for Louis and the rest to desand their feet and hurry up.

 

"What's your favorite color, Violet?" The question comes from nowhere.

 

"Red." Bright and angry and passionate and vibrant, just like her. She yawns and lays her head on my shoulder. "I'm tired." Someday, you'll get to lay down in my arms and we can fall asleep wherever you like. But, someday. I let her rest against my shoulder, and turn to look out the window, at the sky.

 

Louis puts on some upbeat trap type shit  and Sophie taps the steering wheel as she drives. Duck and Ruby are having a very powerful debate about Dungeons and Dragons. Violet and I are just chilling.

 

Violet rolls her lips and her hand snakes over to my hands which were resting clasped together on my lap, she latches her pinkie finger with mine. Violet removes her head from my arm and pushes it into the crook my neck. Where it remains for the rest of the ride back to school.

 

Everything is pink almost reddish, and nothing could be better now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’d love to hear some opinions about the story so far! Either comment or dm me please! -Ella


	8. Remembering

I'm pretty sure I have pneumonia.

 

I think it's why I faint and sweat all the time.

 

Or maybe it’s because Violet is sleeping across my lap.

 

Either way I'm pretty sure I'm gonna die.

 

"You guys wanna drive downtown for a little bit? Being bored is..boring. Today is Friday, I might even get me some ladies tonight." Sophie rolls her eyes and interjects,"Louis, it's late! Violet is crushing Clem to death and Clem looks...Clem looks high."

 

Is that what my anxiety looks like? Like I do drugs?

 

"Fine. I guess you're right, we can all chill tomorrow, anyway."

 

"Drop me off at my house first please!"

 

After fourteen minutes of banter, Louis pulls up to the large house and Sophie rolls her eyes at him as he gives her the finger before stepping out of the Prius and lazing into her house. He sighs and starts the ignition, grinning.

 

"You like her" I muse as I look down at Violet. She continues her slumber on my lap, her left index finger hanging from her lip in the cutest way. God, I just want her. I know I repeat this everyday, but what else can I say? She's the only thing I truly want in the world.

 

"Well, have fun carrying Vi to her room." Louis says as we stop outside my house. He noticed me get flustered and I tried to divert the attention. His eyebrows furrowed as he looked back both of us. What?

 

I step out the car and stare at MY house, then at Louis and an innocent looking Ruby who's not stopping Louis from starting the engine again. "What? Louis no! Help me!"

 

"Here's her satchel!." He tosses her twenty-ton backpack at me, which slaps me in the face, mind you. I groan,"We will bring the car back to her house after I've dropped everyone else home. I'm zonked."

 

I mutter a few curse words.

 

He's too far away to hear me, and all I can do at this point is turn at stare at the sleeping beauty.

 

I sigh.

 

Two minutes into my stroll, this is an easier task than I presumed it to be; she literally might be the weight of two feathers. I take another step and place her on my bed, her arms drooping above her head as she slumbers in her jean shorts and loose tank top, and I place her purse on the bedside table. My eyes follow her twitching arm up to her face.

 

Wow; I never realized how pretty she is when she sleeps. Then again, she is always pretty, regardless of the setting. I softly sit on the edge of her bed, and stare at the flicking moon light shining through her window. The starting rain created dim, flashing light that fell on Violet’s skin, making her sparkle like some sort of goddess.

 

I've slowly and painfully come to accept through the past month now, that her and I might never be. And that's okay with me. Soon enough, Dad will call off the studying duo that we've formed, and with time, she will forget me. How I stumble and fumble over my words and my feet for her. How she hugged me close and then ran out. Or how the first time she came to my house and shredded my pajamas to pieces.

 

Or when she kissed me. Soft, the smell of alcohol surrounding my nose. Almost two weeks ago and she still doesn't remember a glint of that night. But I remember every single moment since the day she moved below me.

 

Ugh, stupid emotions. Always making my glasses which are now on my face fog up. I take them off my face and try to smear the fog away with the hem of my ruff cotton sweater, when I feel a soft hand on my left arm.

 

“Clem." As I hear that voice, the same sparks go creeping up my arm and into my chest. My head slowly turns until I faced with Violet, visibly still tired yet staring puzzled at me. I glance down at my glasses and reach to put them back on the bedside table, when she pushes my hand back down. "Leave them on, you look pretty."

 

That throws another pang at my chest, only to be replaced with flutters. Vi gave me an actual compliment, and she's not drunk. I look away from her and lightly shake my head. "No, I don't." She gently tugs on my arm until I'm laying down, hands crossing over my stomach and my body very tense and taut around her. I guess she can feel too, because she squeezes my arm and murmurs,"Chill out man, you're so tense." I silently breathe, in and out, before I can feel my body start to get looser and lazier.

 

"You look nice with your glasses. How come you take them off?"

 

I breathe again,"Because people made fun of me for wearing them." I say and I take them off. I watch her lean up on her elbow and gaze at me. "Can you see me?" I don't move, because she's so close and I can only barely resist my urges to kiss her. I instead look out the side of my eyes and nod. "Mhm, I can see you." She lays back down and this time scoots a bit closer to me as the rain outside begins to harden and disorient the moon light.

 

"You're so quiet," Violet murmurs again. It's not the fact that I'm so quiet, but it's if I open my mouth for extended period of time, I sound like a confused, little girl. "You can talk to me, Clem. I know I've been a real bitch to you before, but it's okay. I won't bite." Her soft words give a calm atmosphere to the room, and I wanna say something, but I don't know what. Then she fires a question that comes from out of nowhere.

 

"Do you ever think about kissing girls?" Blunt questions that are completely out of my category, she seems to love asking them. I swallow.

 

"Uh..." I don't know how to respond to that. I could tell her that I think about kissing her, but that would ultimately fail. "No," I force out. It's bad enough Vi thinks I'm a geek, I don't need her thinking I might prey on her while she's undressing. I can hear her lightly chuckle, and she says,"I have. Obviously."

 

My excitement over our reminisced kiss is short-lived as I remember that she doesn't even remember coming to my house that night, and the kiss doesn't even exist outside of my mind. I ignore the lump in my throat and swallow it.

 

There's a long silence again until she breaks it.

 

"Clem, look at me." I don't object to her simple request, turning my head so that I can shyly stare into her eyes. She stares back and I can almost feel her trying to search me for something, and she reaches out touches the very tip of my nose, a tickled feeling racing up my arms. "You know, Minne was talking about you the other day." Because Minerva is definitely important right now... "She asked why I hang with you all the time, and I told her it's just the tutoring and stuff." That makes me turn my head in the opposite direction again, drawing her index finger away from my nose and hoping that she doesn't since my ever-protruding jealousy.

 

"But really... the only reason I ever come to your house anymore is to see you." What?

 

"Yeah." I guess she hears my thoughts, because I repeat, what? "When I first moved here, my mom and dad were just messy together, and we had to come live in an apartment because the houses were too much for my mom and dad to afford alone. I thought everything was really shitty here, I kinda still do actually, and I just wanted to be home as a happy family again. Minus the whole cheating scandal. My parents are out of town a lot so I'm basically alone most of the time." I unconsciously turn my head back to her, so I can watch her gaze out the window.

 

She has lain down at this point, and she stares with me out through the window, listening to the the ongoing storm. "And I hate school so fucking much. You probably know that, though. But that's when I met Minnie and she sometimes gives me attention which feels good I guess"

 

... Is it just me, or is she scooting closer to me? "And then I started doing really bad in school, with the detention, and the failing grades, but then that's where you," she pokes me in the side, her finger acting as a gun and shooting off several tingles in my abdomen,"came in... And some things got better."

 

"I thought you were lame at first. Like that one day you tripped in the cafe and you spilled all your food. Or that time you fainted in gym right before everyone left. Or that time you threw up on me in front on the gang." All these horrible moments, brought back to light, why? "So, you obviously know I wasn't happy when Lee stuck me with you to study everyday for a month. But I got used to you."

 

I continue to listen to her softly decipher the past few months, her hand reaching back to play with my hair. "You're really smart, and awkward... and pretty. You're different." The third time she says I'm pretty, I'm having a panic inside; It's unlike her to tell me something nice, let alone tell me something not insulting. "I feel weird talking to someone like this... but I know you won't tell anyone." God, I'm like an open book to her, I feel so exposed; I feel naked. I feel naked in front of Violet. A hot, red tint starts creeping up my neck. "You won't tell anyone, right?"

 

She leans over to look at me, and I give a quick,"Mhm." A small smile starts forming on her face, and she tilts her head, studying my face. "Are you blushing?" Her mint-colored, twinkling eyes stare down on my small, helpless form and I strangle out an excuse.

 

"It's hot." She and I both know it's almost twenty degrees in her room, and I just told a full on lie, but she leaves it alone.

 

"You can take your sweater off if you're hot, you know. We're both girls, Clem. I won't care." God, I hate how much my heart starts hopping out of control when she says my name. And the day I take off my shirt in front of her is far beyond infinity itself, so much that visualizing it is giving me chills.

 

"Clem... I remember," Violet ushers, and immediately, the chills on my body are replaced with a numbing feeling. She can't remember.

 

She couldn't be talking about what I think she was. "That night, like three weeks ago." She does. She does remember. I can feel sweat start to form on the back of my neck, but I try to remain calm; she could be talking about another night. Not the night where... "I was super wasted, and I showed up at your house at like, twelve in the morning."

 

Fuck. She remembers. "And you helped me get cleaned up, and I started crying like a dumb bitch, and then..." I feel my heart stop for a minute as Violet pauses, and like a bomb, it's like it drops into the bottom of my chest. "I kissed you."

 

The words echo in my mind, and it's like all my nerves are glass, simultaneously cracking and shattering and as the sound of fear shoots them in. Oh God, I can't breathe. She remembers the kiss. She remembers our first kiss. My first kiss. She hates me, I know she hates me now. I know that she never wants to see my face again. My fingers clutch onto the sheets of her blanket and my body starts trembling violently, all while I can feel her watching me, waiting for a response.

 

I croak,"I'm sorry, Vi. I- I'm so, so sorry." My body stiffens even tighter as I recall that this will probably be the last time she'll talk to me, and all I'll carry in my memory for the rest of my life is the feeling of he lips on mine; once, but never again.

 

I sit up, and I just have to get out of here now, because I can't bear to look at her anymore. I can't deal with knowing that she hates me. "Woah, woah, Clem, calm down, it's okay." She grabs me by both my arms and pulls me back down, pressing her palm behind to my shoulder as she tugs me against her chest as her blonde locks capture my blurry vision. "Clem, breathe," she murmurs.

 

I turn my head up, and don't even realize I'm crying until I feel a drop stream over my ear and land on her neck, and I hurriedly wipe them away. "It was my fault. I shouldn't have shown up to your house like a shit-show in the middle of the night, and I shouldn't have kissed you. I just wasn't thinking, which I don't do most of the time anyways, so it's not your fault." That only makes me want to turn my head and try to resist sobbing even more. She doesn't get it. She'll never get it, because I can never tell her.

 

I love you, Violet Keane. I love you so much; so, so much. Or I’m growing to. And on the day you kissed me, you made it possible for me to have something that I'd never thought I'd ever possess; you're love, a kiss from you. And the fact that you remember, and care to bring it up makes me love you ten-million times more. Everyday, I dream of laughing with you, and hugging you, and holding you and just being with you, and everyday, I'm quietly reminded by your girlfriend that I can't have it. By your kisses, and your hugs, and your laughs with her; so I stay in the dark. I love you so much, it physically hurts me. The only thing I can keep at least, now, is that kiss. That meaningless, drunken kiss. At least I'll have that.

 

"It was just a...dumb, little kiss, it-it didn't mean anything."

 

And at that moment, I actually endure the true feeling of death. Like I'm drowning; water is filling my lungs and I'm rapidly trying to gasp for more air, but I end up just swallowing more wholes of water. My first kiss with her didn't mean anything.

 

"We're still friends, Clem. It was dumb, it... didn't mean anything." I guess I'm still shaking and crying, even harder, because she pulls me closer and now she's laying with her front to my front, and her leg has slid under mine, she's not helping any of my body get under control.

 

"It's okay, Clementine, I promise." No, it's not okay, it's not fucking okay at all. My body is shuddering because it's cold and I'm sniffling and breathing so hard, and she is pressed against me, with her arm crossed over my stomach and my arm weakly placed on her back, holding me in serenity. I'm still drowning in my own melancholy and it's more difficult to breathe as I feel her nuzzling deeper against me.

 

"You're still my best friend, babe." She whispers and pulls me closer and the welcoming scent of vanilla greets me again.

 

The last thing I can remember is her breathing on my neck, so softly, and I don't know if I fall asleep or blackout. Either way, I'm still in pain, I still can't breathe, I've still kissed Violet, and it didn't mean anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My apologies for the lateness loves! Tonight was hectic with a capital hectic. Comments and suggestions are welcomed! Dm @thefallingdead on instagram if you have ideas you’d like to share or if you want to possibly write a fic with me! -Ella


	9. Backseats

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shit shit shit. I was assigned the task of posting for Ellie while she was out and instead I played twd for five hours. This is all her work. Poems are more my style. Haikus in particular -Rachel 
> 
> If you comment I’ll let Ellie reply byeeee

I open my eyes and they're welcomed to a slowly brightening sky outside of my window. My eyes are full of sleepy dust, and I feel warm air hitting my neck; breaths, Violet’s breaths. I try turning my head and then I end up rapidly blinking because of the blonde locks that got in my eye. I lean up, and my body quickly tells me two things by forming chills bumps.

 

One, it's always cold in my room.

 

Two, I don't have a shirt on.

 

I hurriedly glance for my sweater, but I give up soon after I see it's nowhere in the room. And as I pull the covers up to my neck, I realize that  I don't even have my nice bra on. I am shirtless in bed with the love of my life. That sentence alone doesn't even sound real. I then catch my glasses sitting on her bedside table and I sigh as the events from last night breeze through my mind, but any thoughts are forgotten when I'm pulled back against her, my back against her front and she mumbles, her lips barely touching my neck, "Stay here, it's cold."

 

"Violet, what happened to my-" I silently exhale as her leg slides under mine, Holy Mary, “-sweater?"

 

"You started like, whining in your sleep and kept pulling at it. You damn near took my whole eyeball out dude."

 

"Okay?"

 

"Eh. I tried covering you but you wouldn't let me and then you whined to take your shirt thing off. Label was scratching. So I helped you. Clem I don't knowww"

 

I guess she gives up on trying to reason with me because she just makes a noise of waiver and her arms slide around my stomach, and it takes me everything not to make a squeal of pleasure because her body is so warm and her arms are around my abdomen and this is almost everything I always dream of every night. And I don't know if I'm hallucinating, but I swear that Violet doesn't have her tank top, nor her jeans on from last night and her pajama shorts and hopefully top covered frame is pressing against mine.

 

"Today is Saturday, right?" Violet asks against my neck, and I shakily reply,"Yeah." She could have just looked my very practical digital alarm clock which had both the date, time and day on it.

 

She starts pulling away and good God, she did have little on. "I have a date with Minerva today." That doesn't register in my brain for nearly two minutes because I see her sauntering around in my room in nothing but her black bra and shorts, and my room becomes a sextillion times hotter.

 

But as soon as the words do reach my brain, my chest fills with that familiar inclination of jealousy and I only exhale deeply. "I should go to the kitchen then, I don't wanna divert your attention while you're getting ready." Vi nods, glancing at me then rumbles around in her backpack that she left at mine. I think that's the only thing I hate about her; or rather, what I hate she can do. She can look at me for a second and make me feel so exposed.

 

I sit up with the covers still pressed tightly to my tense form, and mumble,"Violet, may I have my sweater back? Where did you throw it?"

 

Quit holding my woolen beauty hostage.

 

"Yeah, it's thrown in the bathroom."

 

... The bathroom? Why would she put my sweater in there? The germs.

 

Well, most of the time, I don't know what her motives are, so I don't question it, and instead try to think about how I'm going to get from under these covers. I hate that I'm perplexingly shy, to the point where I don't want to leave my bed in fear that she might see me and laugh. I'm tallish, and lanky, and I've never been that comfortable with my image, but if the girl that I love sees me? I might just about die.

 

Keep it together, just go and get the sweater, and go home. I can do this. Placing my glasses steadily on my face, I start with my leg, inching off of her bed, and I then I'm on the ground, in my skinny jeans and my plain, white bra. I take another step, and I'm halfway to my bathroom now. Yes, I'm doing it. A few more steps and I'll be safe. Almost there-

 

"Wow, Clem. You... You're hot." I nearly collapse on the spot. Did Violet Keane just call me hot? Me? Hot? "You should take your shirt off for me more."

 

She cheekily winks at me, walks into the bathroom and I don't think she notices the violent, confusing jerk that spreads through my body. She winked at me. I should have taken a shower; all my clothes soiled now. I take a step into the bathroom and see my sweater laying near the sink, but not without hearing her hum as she gathers shampoos and conditioners, almost naked. Why my sweater is in the bathroom is still a question to me. I grab it and resistingly step out of the bathroom, watching Emaline's slender body disappear.

 

I try pulling it on and realize that my head does in fact not go in the sleeves.

 

She renders my body useless.

 

By the time I've managed to get and correctly put on my sweater, after having the tag stab me in the eye, twice, Violet emerges from my bathroom, fresh as ever in her grunge , signature-style clothing. She's brushed her hair, but not a lot, to the point where it's very wavy and natural looking. God, she is so pretty. I wish I was going on a date with her and not...Minerva. I know I've told myself that her and I are just not meant to be, but I my body just can't seem to accept that fact.

 

"I won't be gone for a long time," Violet calls as she exits my room and I follow. "Minnie is a super slow girl." My heart tightens in envy at the sound of that repetitive, never-ending name.

 

Minnie is living the dream that I dream. Loving the girl I that want to openly love. I wish she would just disappear sometimes, and Vi would come to me, so that I could hold her and love her. But, a happy Vi is a happy Clem. If Violet is happy with the girl, then so be it. I'll be happy too, even though the happiness is killing me inside.

 

"I can come back early, if you want, and we can chill out. Okay?" I nod at her word

 

She shuts my door behind her, and now we're outside with the sun grazing her face and highlighting the tiny silver speckles in her eyes.

 

I lower my head, my hair covering up my already-blinded vision. "No, I don't want you and...Minnie worrying about time while you're enjoying yourselves. You've worked really hard lately, and you deserve it. You're probably tired of me anyway, so go and have some fun, I'll be fine." I'm facing down while I murmur forced words, because I know if I look up, even if she peeks, she'll catch the blaring jealousy that's boiled up since she's mention the name Minnie.

 

"I just don't want you to feel left out while I'm gone... If I have time, afterwards, you and I can go do something fun." I pull my head up a little and she's staring at me with the most reassuring gaze she can manage, green eyes all filled with curiosity.

 

"Vi, really, don't rush yourself. Go and relax with your boyfriend, you deserve it."

 

I don't expect the tight embrace that she pulls me into, squeezing me and saying,"Okay. Try to do something fun. That means no studying, some real fun shit, okay?" I nod in her arms.

 

She wraps her arms tighter around my waist and presses against me. A few moments pass and I let my arms become looser until she's stepping back and waving at me. "See you later, babe." I manage to wave and put on a small grin as she smiles at me cheesily and gently tilts my baseball cap skeward. She disappears into the sunlight, and I'm left standing at her doorstep.

 

She's so beautiful. She's happy. And if she's happy, I'm happy.

 

:)

 

My head slams against the back of the leather seat and my glasses go flying off my face. Ouch. Sophie punches Louis in the arm and scolds,"Lou, could you not drive like a maniac?"

 

He smiles, all dimpled and muses,"Woah, watch that language little lady." She scoffs,"Why did I invite you here?"

 

"Because you can drive, but don't like to, and I look sexy when I'm driving, so you couldn't resist my body." Confident.

 

"Um, swerve Louis. I may have Mitch now and that's all I need." I don't think she sees the visual annoyance that strikes his face for a moment and he shrugs,"Please, I can get all ladies I want. Like Tina.”

 

Sophie looks at him buts he’s too focused on the road.

 

As I place my glasses back on my face, I notice the visible tightening of her jaw at the sound. I think that's one thing her and I have in common; when our somebody kinda belongs to someone else, it's like a screeching child in your face; it never stops.

 

He pulls up to a high-class looking restaurant and looks at the silver watch decorating his wrist. "What time did Violet say she'd be out of here, Clem?"

 

Sophie sits up and looks out the window immediately. The quicker Violet arrived the sooner we could all go into town.

 

"Right about now.“ Sophie answers for me, “Clem can you go and check if she's in the lobby or something? You're dressed way better than the two of us anyway." I awkwardly stare down at the pink button up shirt and dark blue skinny jeans covering my lanky body. I step out of the car with my plain white sandals, the sun glaring against my glasses. I make my way up to the large, upperclass looking restaurant, decorated with various plants around the rim of the building and chandeliers creating sparkles in the windows. Before I can lift my hand to the wooden handle, the door goes flying open, into my face. This place totally isn’t Violet’s style. 

 

Jesus, that hurt.

 

"Oh shit, are you ok-Clem?" I hear a menacing crack against the concrete and know my glasses are finished, but they don't seem to matter as soft hands pull me up and I hear an angel-like voice.

 

"Aw... I fucked your glasses up." ... Not very angel like words. "Did I hurt you?" I lie and shake my head. I soon feel Violet’s fingers pressing at my flustered face and I hiss as she prods against my aching nose. "Oh man, did I break your nose?"

 

"Vivvy, wait up!" I can't see very well but I as soon I spot red hair exiting through the door and smell that annoying scent of Victoria’s Secret perfume, I know it's Minnie.

 

Vivvy.

 

What the fuck.

 

"Baby, I'm sorry, I didn't mean that you weren't smart enough for me, I meant that you just have a more laid back sense of personality."

 

She turns away from me and faces her kind of sympathetic girlfriend (Ex-girlfriend?) and scoffs. "Which is just another way of saying that I have the mind of a two-year old." I watch her sigh and she shakes her head, gripping at the hem of her short pockets. "Vi, you know I didn't mean that. I was just saying that you're really outgoing sometimes, that's one of the things I like about you."

 

"Don't fucking talk to me, you ambiguous prick." Oh, big words. As she starts heading to the car (without me, mind you), Minerva sprints down the steps right after her and grabs her hand, spinning her around and promptly landing a kiss against her mouth. The sting of jealousy strikes my body at first, but flies away when she pushes away and mockingly wipes at her mouth. Her face is red; it vaguely resembles the day she fought some girl. "No, Minnie." She gazes at her with a defeated look, and nods.

 

"Okay." She starts heading dejectedly back towards me, and when I see her bend over and hand what's left of my glasses to me, I mumble,"Thank you."

 

Minnie fiddles with her fingers, before quietly asking,"Can you tell her I'm sorry? She's being far too overdramatic right now." Unsure of how to respond to such a simple yet perplexing request, I only nod and start scurrying towards the car as the horn hurries me away.

 

We drive off, her sitting on the steps with her hand threaded through her hair as she smokes a cigar.

 

It's terrible that I can't stop the smug smile creeping on my face.

 

Violet huffs beside me in the car. I've been looking out the window because Louis made a joke and nearly got killed by her so I sensed she was tetchy. I feel a light weight around my shoulder and took that as my cue that hey! It's okay to move your head now.

 

The blonde wrapped her arm around me and flicked my forehead until I got the cues. I nestled my previously stiff head under her jaw. I, of course, don’t know where to rest my free hand. Her left hand, the hand that isn't tucked around me, reaches over to play with the belt loop of my jeans, occasionally brushing the visible skin of my stomach.

 

Suck on that cigar Minnie

 

Clem stop it.

 

:)

 

Oh, how I love Mondays with a passion. I might be the only person to ever willingly say that.

 

I can finally try to forget the leeching memories of that terrible night, and instead plague myself with school work before finals. I sigh and look at myself in the bathroom mirror one last time, knowing that I'll never feel presentable enough to impress anyone. My eyes; eyelashes, irises, eyelids, pupils, tummy, shoulders, everything today just feels like it is exposed, and I feel naked. I feel uncomfortable.

 

Well, at least Violet thinks I look okay. She thinks I look pretty, in fact. That cheers me up a bit, and a little unknowing smile comes to my face at the thought of the cunning blonde. She left to her house without a word to Louis, Sophie, Ruby or the others we picked up yesterday night; Only me. She whispered a goodbye in my ear as she climbed over my body to get out of the car. Then her anger seemed to come back as she stormed inside. I didn't go after her her, naturally,because I knew she needed to be alone. I missed her body against mine.

 

I open my front door and JESUS CHRIST- "Hey Clem, ready to go? ... Um, are you okay?" She obviously notices the wild choking noises emitting from my mouth as she stands there in her dark grey shorts,black wavy tank top covered in a gray cardigan and her hair falling down her shoulders, practically glowing in the sunlight. Does she not realize what she does to me?

 

"I- I'm fine, heh. I'm sorry." Why did I apologize? God, why I am so fumbling and awkward? "C’mon babe, Louis is waiting." My heart shivers, I love when she calls me that; babe. She gives me another questioning glance before tightening her tote bag on her shoulder and heading down the stairs. I shut my front door and start down the stairs. Eleven seconds into my walk, I realize that I'm not actually walking, my eyes are just following her hips, which might explain why I run into the car door.

 

Louis, Violet and I part our ways as we park on the lot and by then my fingers are already longing to feel her skin again. God, I have a serious problem.

 

First and second block pass without a blink, and soon enough it's time to return to the place I hate the most, the lunchroom. That dreaded day still haunts me, where I tripped and fell and food went everywhere. At least I have personal table to myself as Louis and the rest are spending extra time at some archery club.

 

Before I walk into the place I hate, I feel soft fingers pull at my wrist and look up, finding her looking at me with bright seaweed colored eyes and a small grin. Did I seriously just describe her eyes with seaweed? "Come. You’re gonna sit with me today." She tugs me but I gently resist.

 

"Vi, wait, what about?..." I look over to where her so-called friends are sitting, and she scoffs. "Clem, you're with me, don't worry. I'm top shit around them, remember?" She instinctively sees my discomfort and squeezes my wrist. "You'll be okay. We can go sit somewhere else if they wanna be dicks, anyway."

 

Alone? Together? Her and I? I suddenly feel a lot more confident. "By the way, you look really nice with your glasses." Vi, I love you so much but please, stop telling me compliments before I just tear off all your clothes. When she takes a seat at the 'alternative table' and I settle down close next to her, I can feel the stares burning right through me.

 

A girl with candy red hair dressed in black jeans and are those chains? and an extremely tight shirt begin a conversation with her, throwing a look at me. "Anyway, where's Minnie, huh? She wasn't in first block." Vi shrugs, that familiar look of disgust painting her face. "I don't know, I don't really care either." The candy girl raises her eyebrows, much too dramatically for me. I'd hate to tell her that her and Minnie are officially no more. Her eyebrows would go to the moon.

 

"So, who's your, uh... friend?" A boy with a small New Jersey accent asks. I remember him, the boy that said he'd gotten to second base with Violet. (I'm sure he didn't even make it onto the field, to be honest.) I internally start to shrink as everyone's attention falls on me, but her hand slides into mine under the table and she pipes,"Clementine. She's super smart." I hope she knows that holding my hand isn't helping my heart rate at all.

 

"Isn't she the girl that tripped that one time?"

 

"Yeah, but aren't you the one who stuck their dick in Hannah 'Herpes' Hagaline that one time?"

 

She intimidatingly squints her eyes at him, as if daring him to say something again, and the whole table seems to quiet down. "Wow, thanks Gabe, you just pissed me off." It silently humors me that everyone at the table has a confused face. She and I know that she's only thrown that tantrum just so I could get out of there, and my heart warms out of her favor.

 

"Comon', Clem." She stands up, grabbing her purse and my arm and dragging me back to the lot. And God, I wish she'd stop calling me that heart-wrenching name. I realize after a few seconds of staring at her butt that I'm being dragged back to Louis’ car. The doors unlock and I unconsciously open the door and sit in the passenger seat as she settles in the driver's seat.

 

"Violet, where are we going? I don't advise that we skip school today, there's a lot of tests going on..."

 

"We need to talk."

 

Oh no. The last we 'talked', I was sobbing and she was holding me which only induced more sobbing. What could be happening? Is she finally going to leave me for the populars? Is she going to tell me that I'm a freaky bisexual geek that shouldn't have kissed her? Oh God, what if she tells me that she's moving? What if she's dying?

 

"Look, that night... That I came to your house, and we... When we... Um..." She stumbles over her words, and slowly asks,"Was I your first girl kiss? Obviously not first kiss because Louis and you kissed once I think but yeah"

 

I don’t remember telling her about that.

 

The one question I didn't think of is the most intimidating one, and I gently nod in embarrassment. I hear her sigh and I watch her shake her head.

 

"Oh."

 

The unsaid tension in the car is unbearable as I plagued with the familiar hyperventilating feeling in my chest. I have to get out of here immediately.

 

"I'm sorry Violet but if you don't have anything to say then I really have to get back to cl-"

 

And then she leans over. She takes a grasp of my thigh with her hand and pulls me so I’m straddling her. And cups my cheek and kisses me.


	10. Party

Her hand slyly slides up my top and one hand runs through my crimped hair that she's complimented so many times pushing her lips and she's breathing hard against my mouth. I don't know what do except begin internally imploding upon myself because Violet Keane is kissing me for the second time in my life, and this time, not under the influence. I don't know what to do because what the fuck is going on.

 

My eyes are stuck wide and alert, staring at her shut eyes. Creepy I know. I try not to seem completely paralyzed and I squeeze my eyes shut and feel the shocks going through my body intensify. God, her lips are so soft, why are they so soft? I feel the softness begin to lighten and her begin to pull away from me, fingers loosening in my hair and her left palm sliding over my cheek and her right thumb finger thing ceasing it’s circling on my hip, and God, her hand feels too warm and gentle. I think the kiss is over, but I'm terribly wrong as I feel her hot tongue swirl over my bottom lip, and she pulls away from me.

 

After I open my eyes, she's already out the car and walking back to the school building.

Oh my GOD.

 

:)

 

"Clementine, calm down, speak slowly. I can't understand you when you're talking like a blubber whale. Although my hearing is excellent. Now, Violet did what to you?"

My eyes are filled with scared tears and I don't know why I'm crying, and these stupid contacts only make my eyes more watery and irritated. Sophie watches me intently, plopped on my sofa with her hands clamped together. She's dressed her usual clothing, except with an extra hoodie that I had sobbed on for the past hour when she arrived at my house.

 

I’m so confused.

 

"Clem, talk to me. What happened?"

My heartbeat is going out of control and my limbs tremble and I croak,"Violet- Violet kissed me. She- she kissed me."

Dina scoffs and throws her arms up, exclaiming,"Then what's the problem? She was just drunk again, right-"

"No, no, not this time, no." I shook my head, my messy hair sticking to my damp face. "No... We were at lunch, and some boy had made her angry, so we left the cafe and she took me to Louis’ car, and I was sitting in the passenger's seat and she was in the driver's seat, and I was talking, and then she..." My heart pounds against my rib cage so fast as I can't finish the sentence and I swear it's going to fly out of my chest in the next second or so.

 

Soph leans back on the sofa, looking astonished. She asks,"She just leaned over and kissed you? No warning? And then what?"

I take a deep breath, my eyes meeting Sophie’s curious blue ones. "She didn't say anything to me, and just got out the car and left. And I didn't see her or hear from her for the rest of the day."

 

"Well, shit. That's pretty rude if you ask me. And why would she just kiss you out of nowhere like that? Are you sure she wasn't high or something?"

 

"No, Soph, she wasn't high. She was sober and sane and she kissed me and used her tongue and I just didn't know what to do-" I dig my nails into the palm of my hand as a streak of anger flashed in my vision. I was so sick and tired of her coming to me and using me as the blanket of security. I bet that’s all I am to her.

 

I like the girl. And one minute she likes me and the next she doesn’t. It’s like Russian Roulette. Isn’t it?

 

I bet that was merely some release for her since her and Minnie broke up. Is that all I am to her? A dirty, torn-up blanket to use whenever everything in her world comes falling down?

 

"I just... I don't know, girl. This sounds pretty off, even for Violet. I mean, she doesn't go around kissing her friends. At least when sober, she doesn't."

I sigh and bury my head into the pillow I've been clutching for the past ten minutes.

"Well, what do you wanna do?"

"Nothing, I just- I don't know what to do... I just wanna know why she did it. Why would should kiss me... a loser."

 

"Hey, hey now," Sophie walks across the floor and puts a hand over my shoulder, rubbing it in comfort. "You're not a loser. Losers give up, and about everyone I know who's has the right mind has given up on trying to deal with Vi. But you didn't, and I think that's the raddest shit ever. Violet is obviously a hassle to put up with, and I applaud you for that, girl. Cmon, look at me."

 

I someberly look up to Soph and she smiles a smile, one that just breaks all the built up nerves that I had gathered over time. A smile that was so... pure. She poke softly,"Look, everything is gonna be fine. I swear, we're gonna get through this. It might take a while, but we're gonna reach the end."

 

I nod and sigh in content. "Thank you, Sophie, just, thank you."

She stands up, stretching and says,"Now, how about we go get a milkshake?"

I glance over at my bag full of books. "But I should really stu-"

"Nope, we're gonna go get a milkshake."

 

:)

 

 

"So," Sophie pauses to lean over and takes a sip of her caramel milkshake filled with candy and peanuts, while I silently sit continue to stir my plain strawberry milkshake with my straw. "Vi is going to a party tonight, right?" I internally frown; Violet should know better, it was a school night. But then again it was Violet, so technically, I should know better.

"And this is gonna be like the biggest party ever. I think it's like a ‘ghetto Valentine's Day party’ as Louis said," Sophie chuckles. I shuddered.

 

"But... how does this involve us figuring out why she... kissed me?"

 

Sophie slumps in her seat and raises her eyebrows. "Clem, girl, you gotta catch up with the program. You know Vi always comes back to your place after a long night, so there, just bring up the kiss-"

 

"No, no- I... I can't. It'd be too much to handle, and I don't wanna make her mad and make her storm out of my house at three in the morning again."

Sophie then makes the most confused face at me and tilts her head, and I groan,"It's a long story." She slumps back in the 90's-theme chair, decorated with black and white boxes, and poking her lip out while looking at the sky. She mumbles,"Hmmmmm. What if I took you with me?..."

 

My heart nearly drops to my stomach.

 

Me? "At a party? No, no, no Sophie O Brien, absolutely not. I can't go to a wild party full of misfits, I'd most likely encounter all types of chaos such as overly-hormonal teenagers, and girls who insist on just making out with o-"

 

"Clementine, chillax, alright? I have an idea that'll benefit the boths of us. But 'ya have to trust me, okay?" She pushes aside her milkshake and lays her hand on the table, and I watch it for a moment, feeling my chest swell with a deep heartfelt emotion that she always managed to give me. I lay my clammy (or clemmy) hand on top of hers and she squeezes it whilst giving me a bright, warm smile. "I promise, I won't let anything happen to you, alright? We're buddies now, and I hold down my shit for my buddies, I can tell 'ya that much."

 

I don't know what I nod for but I nod regardless, and force out a statement. "I'll do it."

She leans back in her chair and smiles menacingly, rubbing her hands together in a way that resembled a fly.

 

"So, this is what we're gonna do."

 

:)

 

Oh God, oh God, oh GOD. These pants are giving me the most irritating rash, I can feel the burning on it forming on my behind now. Why these pants, why this outfit? Why me? Why do these horrible things always seem to find their way into my life?

"Jesus, Clem, I can feel you thinking. Jeez girl, calm down, you're the color of a freakin' tomato."

Sophie continues to prod and poke and tuck and nip and the hems of my extremely-tight clothing. I'm sporting blue skinny jeans, which should immediately be renamed to constricting-jeans, a blinding, neon purple, lace, sleeveless, collared shirt, these golden and dangling godawful earrings that resemble Egyptian pyramids, and these disgustingly strange, black shoes that have been morphed into sneakers and heels? High-heeled-sneakers? I can barely walk WITHOUT heels as it is.

 

And I know my face is only dimpled with makeup here and there but it feels as if it's been caked onto my face. I feel so grotesque, it pains me to even watch myself in the bathroom mirror.

"Sophie, do I have to wear such not me clothing? I'm pretty sure a nice turtleneck sweater would do perfectly..."

 

"Clem, stop being such a pansy. You have to dress for success, and success is gonna get you and Violet alone."

 

Where... Where did... I go?

 

I turn to Sophie and say with a pained look,"How do you know she'll even want to associate with me? I can barely even recognize myself in these weird, sparkly clothes you dressed me in."

 

"Look here, Clementine, you wanna find out why Violet deep-throated you with her tongue, this is how you're gonna find out."

I feel my face begin to burn bright red. Oh God. "S-She did not- she didn't do that to me, she just...", and right there, the images, clear like the Pacific waters, start floating in my mind again. And when they burn, it's amplified. Her fingers caressing the back of my neck, like cracks of fire pop as the pads slide onto my jawline to rest there. Soft, almost cloud-like lips are touching my own and I'm at a loss at what to do.

 

The muscles in my heart have gone completely hysterical, feeling every fast pump of blood go through my chest and I hear the deep beats in my ear and then I feel it; her glossy lips part and suddenly, I'm stricken with an almost complete feeling of insanity. My limbs go solid, not just stiff but completely solid, and that point, I've stopped breathing.

 

And there's that ever so lovely feeling of

lightheadedness once again. I closed and opened my eyes once, only one more blink away from completely passing out, and my entire face had gone cold, and I watched the quick sway of her hips through the car window.

 

"Wakey wakey Clem!" Sophie falls backwards against the bathroom door as she catches my tall, awkward body. "Girl, get up! Don't pass out yet! Please! And ya' really need to see a doctor because you've probably fainted like eight times in the past five months."

 

I breathe hard and hoist myself up, and my face is literally on fire as I'm embarrassed, not only for thinking of that kiss, that deadly kiss, but promptly almost blacking out on Soph. "I'm sorry," I murmur, facing towards the ground.

"It's alright, but I can't promise I'll be there to catch ya' if you pass out at the party."

My throat clamps up and I stare at myself in the bathroom mirror once again.

Tonight was the night.

 

"Soph! Oh my God, girl!" I step away from Sophie as numerous girls crowd her at the front door of this apparent mansion. They all squeal and her smile broadens as she returns the petty embraces from girls she knew around school. They were all the popular ones, all pretty and covered in sequins and heels. One blonde girl, though, instead didn't hug her; she was squinting her eyes very tightly at me and leaning forward.

 

"Is that the...principals daughter?"

 

I didn't like when people examined me for long periods of time, and I could feel my strange and awkward demeanor begin to show, until I heard a squeal

 

The popular girls and blonde girl turns to Sophie with a horrified look, holding her arm after the girl shoved past her roughly. "What the hell was that for?"

 

"Don't be a bitch, Michelle," Sophie scoffs.

 

"C'mon, Clem, we got some partying to do." I scurry past the judgmental teenagers and my eyes and ears are immediately greeted with complete... chaos. Bass is filling and vibrating throughout the ground and against my body, the smell of sharp of what I guess could be alcohol greets my nostrils; it burns.

 

I follow closely behind Sophie and my body begins to tense up as I feel random hands brush against me. They're all drunk, everyone. I wasn't gonna be a victim of that tonight, not at all. I may have never drank before but I know that a drop of liquor in my system would tear me up.

 

The neon lights get brighter and bright and- Am I glowing? I'm glowing. My clothes are glowing. I'm glowing. "Soph," I nervously shout through the music,"Why am I glowing?"

 

"It's just the clothes you're wearin', everybody's glowing too!" She's right; everyone looks like they've been doused in highlighter fluid and are raving against eachother's bodies in a bright, colorful harmony. God, I am so nervous right now. I'm shaking and trying to keep close to her and not pass out from all the strong alcohol scents. I briefly slow back and look around me; this is actually a party. People dancing upstairs, sitting on the stairs and trying not to let their friends fall down said stairs, a DJ who is one of Vi’s friends is settled in the corner with his hand in one on his laptop and the other holding the rolled up, little white rod in his mouth, smoke flowing around him.

 

And people are everywhere, how Sophie and I are managing to get through this chaos is beyond me. And people keep touching me and it's really not making me comfortable at all.

 

"Clementine, come on. We don't have a lot of time. We gotta find Violet, and then I have to find that Leona bitch," Sophie calls, grabbing my wrist and tugging me along, peering through the numerous teenagers. "There," I point out in less than a second, and she swerves around, scoffing.

 

It was disgusting how I could dumped into over one thousand people yet spot Violet like a droplet of blood on white cotton sheets. And God, she looks absolutely perfect in her jeans and red and black stripped top that ends at her midriff. My heart speeds up as my eyes trail over her entire body; the word perfect is thrown around so casually nowadays but I'm not kidding, she looked unwordly, just perfect.

 

"She's with that bitch. Perfect." Sophie rolls up the sleeves of her leather jacket and I gulp. It’s almost comical seeing this sweet girl turn tough. Crap. Crap, crap. My heart speeds up, and I'm sure it's beating as fast as a baby's right now. She's with the players and the usual lot and that little clique of people who tended to always pick on me for no given reason; the jerks.

 

I feel my body become weaker and weaker as Sophie’s grips tightens on my wrist; this is a bad idea, a very bad idea and I don't know why I hadn't realized this before. This is a BAD idea.

 

"Soph!" They all break their conversation and greet her. Oh my God, Violet is even more amazing up close; she's dressed in pink skinny jeans and I am breathing heavily now, oh God. Her hair is straightened and her lips- Jesus, her lips looked so pink. God, she looks so gorgeous, GOD.

 

"Where's Mitch at," a brunette girl asks. They seemed to not have noticed me standing behind her, more so hiding behind her yet. Sophie (has finally let go of my wrist, thank goodness) and shrugs, her boyfriend obviously not her priority right now. "Although, I think you would know, right?"

 

I gulp. Shit, this is a really bad idea.

 

The girl is visibly offended and scrunches her face up at Sophie, who seems to be interested in this part of her "idea" more than anything. "What the fuck are you trying to say?"

I watch Violet lean over and whisper to a guy,"Who's that behind Sophie?"

Then everything just goes... boom.

It's slow motion as I watch Sophie’s balled fist travels and slam in the girl's nose.

 

Vi spills her cup full of something on the boy next to her and the girl tumbles backward into the wall and Sophie pounces atop her, screaming and hitting away. Words I thought I'd never hear from Soph come from her mouth ("You dirty fucking whore, how dare you lay a hand on my fucking boyfriend and think that you would get away with it, you fuckin' slut!") And the party doesn't stop; in fact, the DJ screams,"FIGHT, Y'ALL!", and his music gets faster and faster.

 

The humongous crowd is torn between watching and cheering and trying to pull the girls off of eachother. I watch Vi instinctively squeal and squeeze between people, trying to preserve her glamorous state of grunge fashion, and I follow the plan. Follow Violet. Oh God, I can't breathe. This is a really bad idea. Really, really bad idea. Vi continues to shove through the people, and even then I can barely hear her yell,"Ugh, move- get the fuck out of my way, God!"

 

I stumble closely behind, ignoring the random hands that keep touching me- WHY do they keep touching me, gosh, stop, please. Violet is way ahead of me, and I watch her shove her way upstairs and into a random room- shit, she's alone. I'm gonna be alone with Violet Keane, again. I don't wanna do this anymore, why couldn't my cat do it, why ME?

 

I make my way to the door, finally, and stare down at the jumbled, drunken crowd, then stare back at the door. My hands are clammy as I grip the doorknob and hold my breath in, slowly pushing in the door. And green eyes meet mine.

 

"Who is- Clem?"

 

The lights are off, so the room is dark and the only thing lighting it thus far is the moonlight filtering scarcely through the window and the occasional glimmer of neon lights that would scatter from under the door. She unbelievably laughs,"Is that you? God, you look... different."

 

And you look so beautiful, I could marry you right here, right now. You're staring, Clem, stop, TALK.

 

"Uh... We- I have to talk. To you."

She twists her eyebrows down in confusion and moves backwards until the back of her knees hit the edge of the bed, where she then stares at me with the most intense gaze that I could feel searing right through my face. Her head tilts to the right and she pokes forward at the conversation. "Well?"

 

I feel my pulse violently pumping in my chest and I clamp my hands behind my back. My tongue moves around to form a shaky sentence,"I wanted to talk to you about..." Spit it out, dammit, say it. "About the other day in the car."

 

Her head falls to look down at her boots and there's silence, despite the apparent noise of commotion going on outside the closed door. A subconscious timer dings in my head and a minute has already passed. She still hasn't said anything, it's quickly gnarling away at my nerves. I know she remembers.

 

"What day in the car?"

 

I draw my hands to my sides and an extremely unfamiliar flicker that I feel go up and down my arms and legs cause my hands to ball. "Violet... You know what I'm talking about." She's quiet for another moment, her head still down to the carpet then she laughs with a bare tinge of regret in her voice,"Oh... that day. What about it?" The flickers running through my fingers grow faster and I feel bizarre and malaise ... I feel angered.

 

"What do you mean 'what about it?' You kissed me, Vi- YOU kissed me," I hissed. I don't know where my mind has gone, but it's been shadowed with pure lividness and a blinding cloud of red.

 

"I know what the fuck I did, Clem, you don't have to remind me."

 

She stood up and I was her stance grow into the mundane one she sported, one I'd always feared to be in presence in. Not right now, though; not this time.

"You can't just kiss me and not give a proper explanation for it, Violet! You can't just walk away and not tell me why! If it was something you did out of your impulsiveness, then it's understandable and that's all you had to say. Kissing people-"

 

"I'm pretty sure I knew what I was doing, you don't have to repeat it every five fucking seconds," she swears at me.

 

"Then tell me why you did it then, Violet. Tell me why you ran away and were completely uninformative of your actions."

"Exactly why do I need to tell you anything? It's my business and my thoughts and my actions, so respect my privacy and let's just not talk about this bullshit!"

 

My mouth falls open. "Violet. You. Kissed. Me. YOU KISSED ME! With NO EXPLANATION! It's not- it's not bullshit! How simplified do I need to make these terms?!" I'm yelling. Even if someone heard, I don't care right now. Her constant childish behavior has pushed me over for the last time. "Well, Vi? Are you going to stand there and glare at me or do I need to further my reasons as to why-"

 

A loud growl that didn't come from my mouth echoed in the dark, moon-lit room and all I manage to see before instinctively squinting was a flash of blonde pounce in the direction of me. I feel her knife-like nails digging into my arms, I'm completely thrown off balance as my back made a forceful meet with the ground.

All anger that is possibly in my bones drains and my heart is beating so hard I'm confusing it with the bass of the music coming from downstairs. I'm not a fighter, and from the flashbacks of Violet rapidly striking away at her enemy's face, if she layed a hand on me, I'd be finished. My chest is rattling with every rise and fall and I feel that painful tinge before I'd black out returning. And then I open my eyes.

She's so close... she’s so close to my face. I just want to lean up so badly and recreate that terrifying memory but at the same time I want to push her off and never speak to her again. Her eyes are so dark, and I watch her continue to gaze with rage at me, her hair creating a orange rainfall between our faces. I still feel her hands on my arms and her nails in my skin. Her body is so, so close to my own. There are monarch butterflies migrating to every part of my body.

 

"I don't know what I was doing," she whispers, almost forcing the words out of herself. "I don't know." I'm silent in response. I think she expects me not to answer anyways.

 

"I left so fast because I didn't want to think about it and- and I still don't."

She's loosened her death-grip on my arms but remained over me, not touching me. I can smell every breath of bubblegum tinged with alcohol against my face and I swear I can hear her heartbeat. All I can see is her eyes. They're glowing, despite the eerie dark color her irises always strode out of a gaze she would shoot. Inside of them, I can almost see something small and terrified, trying to leech away from inside of her body. I watch her eyes close and her mouth moves to form words, but nothing comes out.

 

She tries again, and her voice cracks. Her shaky hands travel to rest on my shoulders as she shifts on my hips. ,"I'm sorry, Clem, I'm just- I need to figure out some things... Just give me time, okay?"

I nod. I nod to the request into restraining my petty emotions for the redheaded girl I know I'll never have. I nod because I think I'm smitten with her. I nod because I hate her for making my life so horrible. I nod because there's glossiness in her eyes and I can't yell at her anymore. I nod because I want her to kiss me again. I nod because I want her to love me.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m very sorry for being an hour late! This was super long! I hope everyone had a lovely night and thank you to Clodagh on Instagram who gave me the plot idea xx -Ella 
> 
> @thederpartist on instagram is my actual queen I wish I were as talented as her!


	11. Return

"Clementine, where have you been? I looked up and down and all around the world for you and you're sittin' in my goddamn CAR?" Sophie breathed into the side of my face. Her words registered into my brain but quickly faded into the abyss of my mind. I don't know what's happened in the past hour or so but all I can remember is Violet, apathetic words being breathed into my face.

For once in my life, I had finally encountered a block within my mind; I don't understand.

 

"You okay, Clementine?" I finally respond after hearing my formal name; it sounded so foreign to me now.

 

"Yeah, I'm uh, I'm okay," I lie. I'm not okay, my mind is in a depressing chaotic blur at the moment and really, I just want to go to sleep. Sophie has already done so much for me, I even feel a tad guilty that she has to drive me home.

 

How she had come out of that grisly fight without a scratch, it is utterly amazing to me.

 

I'd come out with a sense of confusion, more so, loss of mind.

 

:)

 

"Clementine, you okay? You've been acting all down lately. You didn’t even smile when I drew you in Simpson’s style. Or Studio Ghibli. And you love Studio Ghibli.”

 

I can't comprehend anything, I just can't. I can't mentally bring myself to try to figure out what occurred that night in that moonlit room. What does Violet want to work out? Is it something I've done? This pang; this deep, empty feeling in my chest whenever I think of the blonde will not subside, and it's breaking me. All because I'm trying to figure out what in Violet’s head when I should know I will never be inside of her mind.

 

I wish I could respond and tell Sophie what went on that night, but my mind is a gray, discombobulated cloud at the moment. If I opened my mouth and tried to speak, I'd likely faint from the stress of having to try to form sentences.

 

"Yeah, I'm okay," I lie again. Possibly the largest lie known to man.

 

I'm dying. As if I thought the last time was misery, the feeling of not knowing what is going to happen next is literal death on the mind and the body.

It's all her fault. This is all Violet’s fault. I need to go to Principle Everett- Dad right now and just call everything that is happening off. This is all her fault. No it’s not. Yes it is dammit.

 

The entire school day, I can't focus. My notes aren't the tidy bunch I usually put so much effort into, I don't touch my lunch whilst I'm seated in the library, and I just can't stop thinking about her. I can't. Everytime I think of her, this pang of emptiness runs through my fingers and up my arms and all the way back to my chest, and I get that feeling of blacking out; but not the blacking out where she made me giggle and blush, the kind where I'd lose my breath and I'd slip into of a sort of darkness where I'm stuck, screaming for consciousness until I opened my eyes again.

 

She is going to be the death of me, I know that for a fact. One day I'm going to think too hard about her, and my heart is just going to shiver and stop. I feel like that day could be anytime soon, now.

I get home with the weight of a thousand planets on my shoulders, and head to my room without glancing at my best friend Louis. He's clad in his skinny jeans, a black sweater and dark gray shoes, playing some basketball video game on Aj’s Xbox. He doesn't acknowledge my presence due to that, which is quite usual to begin with; although, it really affects me more this time, for him not to see the pain on my face. As if I'd actually want him knowing I was in love with Violet Keane, anyways.

 

I slumped into my bedrom, muttering some excuse about changing my clothes, onto my bed and stared at the plaster of the ceiling.

 

I'm in love with Violet Keane.

 

There's that pang again. She's kissed me, but it still never happened. Pang.

I remember what I've been told when I feel like blacking out; breathe. Closing my eyes, I inhale and exhale, dodging thoughts that will keep my chest from aching.

 

Breathe. Why is she so beautiful? Why do her eyes sparkle whenever she smiles?

Breathe. How come when she kissed me, I almost felt like she actually meant it?

Breathe. Violet, why do you make me feel like this? Why do you make me feel like the world is ending but when I'm gone, you're going to be my heaven? Why do I still taste the Everclear on your lips after the drunken kiss you gave me? Why did you gaze at me so deeply when we were on the beach? Why did your hands linger on the back of my neck when you kissed me in my brother's car? Why do you keep fucking doing these things and then you don't want to admit them? Or you call them a mistake?

 

This isn't working. I sit up and stop breathing so sporadically, because I sure as hell was about to pass out if I didn't stop.

 

God, I hate her. I fucking hate her. I fucking hate Violet Keane with all my heart.

 

No, I don't.

 

Why is she doing this to me? Why is this happening to me?

I scoff,"Ugh." I'm just so tired. So tired of everything. I hate feeling these feelings.

"Yo, Orange," Louis calls and pokes his head into my room. It bothers me deeply that everyone calls me Clem now so Orange is a relief, since Vi had especially come up with it just for me. But so be it. "That party last night doe. Realest shit ever, I hope there's another one soon," he muses while grinning like a complete creep. I purposely try to avoid thinking about the end of that unforgettable night. It's permanently burned a questioning hole into my brain which is making my head hurt and my heart feel like it's dropping into abyss, and can only be answered by Vi.

 

Fucking Vi. Fuck. Blurry purple blue bruised thoughts begin intrude my thinking space and I brush them away as much as possible; they only bring pain. If not pain, then fainting. Judging by my earlier feelings, I'm not far from dropping dead right about now.

 

"Louis, that was complete chaos. I can't even begin to comprehend how possibly you enjoy going to those things every other day."

 

He shrugs and steps fully into my room. "I don't really comprehend it, I just do. Ya' know?"

Oddly enough, I understand what Lou is saying. He doesn't think of the repercussions, but rather, he acts in the moment without thinking about the bad things. I looked deeply at my friend, and even though I often despise the cocky smirk that is always painted on his dimpled face, I realized that the mood he sported was so often carefree and relaxed. He just lives in the moment, and I wish I had the ability to do that too. I'm always reflecting on the past and the future, that I'm never I nod and murmur in agreement,"Yeah."

 

"But what I wanted to say was that I'm going out, I'll be back around..." He lifts up his phone and finishes,"Eight. Maybe like, eight thirty. There's pizza and chicken salad and stuff in the fridge if you get hungry Lee said. We could hang out yeah?"

 

"Where are you going?"

 

"Date. With Sophie." He straightens out the collar of his sweater and flicks back his dreadlocks, once more.

"But what about her boyfriend? Aren't they still together?" He shoots me that creepy, dimpled smile again and wiggles his eyebrows in a suggestive manner, boasting,"Well, according to her last night, she snap, crackle, and popped him!”

What in God's name was this boy saying? He sees the confused look on my face and deadpans,"They broke up." Ahhh, okay. My generation and their new terms always befuddle me completely. Twerk, yeet, bae, Taking an L, all those words and phrases I always hear at school. Youth are literally defaming the English language as each year passes. Ergh, but what can I do?

 

"I'll be back later, alright? Don't get into any trouble, although I don't really need to tell you that. Even though you've been hanging with Vi lately. That girl is a badass, and I don't mean in the good way. She’s my buddy and I love her but I have to call a spade or spade. Or however the saying goes. I ain’t Shakespearean."

 

"I know," I respond, with a hint of apathy in my voice that he luckily doesn't catch. God, do I know. Alcohol, parties, detention every other day, and she goes around kissing people with no given explanation. God, do I of all people know that Violet Keane is a badass.

 

Louis exits my room, whistling with joy and I... I don't know what to do at the moment.

Study, yes, study. I reach down and pull out a large Advanced Calculus book out of my bag, and open it to a random page. I already know everything but hey, it doesn't hurt to study twice, right? Right.

Get rid of the variable. Yes, get rid of the X, so set the equation equal to zero, and then subtract the eight to the fifth power from the eleven to the fifth power, then divide by singular variable. Now divide again by the Violet. Then set the equation equa—

 

"God dammit," I growl. Why can't get that GIRL out of my head? God, make it stop, please, PLEASE make IT STOP.

 

But the thing is that I really don't want it stop. I want her to keep eating away every functioning part of my brain while I continue to fantasize about every beginning and end of her body. I want to every inch of body. The tips of my fingers tracing down her sharp jawline while she slides her hands up my burning abdomen. I want to be so close to her that I can hear her scattered thoughts entering her conscious and leaving them at the same time and she can feel the valves of my heart contracting. I want her cherry breath left in my mouth and her on top of me in a haze of neon pink sparks; I want her cocaine lips on every pore of my skin to get me into a nostalgic high that's only just happened moments ago. Kilos and kilos of her spread all over me. Right no that’s just got insanely creepy. On with the blindfolds and away we go. I love Bird Box.

 

I'm about another thought away from slipping into a coma, I promise.

 

I hear a knock at the door and I pray it's just Louis. I need someone to talk to and I desperately pray that it's maybe even Duck as I approach the front door. Or Sophie. Maybe she decided to pop around. She's truly been the biggest help to me throughout the mound of utter chaos, plus she's become a really good friend of mine in the process. Plus, she's one of the only two people I have regular interaction with, the person being Vi, and, well, if I see her, I'm going to die, so. Of course, I don't plan on going into detail as to why I'm mere inches from being comatose if Soph is at the door, but rather the person who's causing it.

 

Then my mind stops me— no, it CAN'T be Sophie because she's going on a date with Louis.

 

Oh God, what if it's Vi, holy shit, what if it's Violet. Her feelings are so sporadic that she's probably forgotten about wanting "time to figure out things" and now she's at my house to torture me again. My heart begins to pump at mach speed and the task of opening the door becomes a life or death situation.

 

I take a deep breath and swing the door open—

 

"Hey, Clem."

 

My heart just stopped. I can't feel it beating. My heart just fucking stopped. I can feel my heart imploding.

 

"Hey... I just came over to get my charger.” I quietly gesture her to go inside.

 

I don’t speak.

 

“Um Louis- he he took it yesterday at the party... I need it back. Damn where is it." I hate you so much but I love you so much. Fuck, FUCK.

 

She doesn't look at me as any of those words leave her mouth and makes her way back to Louis’ spot in my room.

 

I'm still standing with my hand on the doorknob like an idiot, and the door still wide open, with my brain at loss of what to do. On one hand, I want to hold her down and force her to give me a proper explanation as to why she's kissed me. On the other hand, I want her to hold me down and make all the problems in my world disappear. In both of those scenarios, I will likely have a heart attack and die.

 

I hear her approaching and she's still got her face pointed towards the ground and her hands shoved in her pockets , with an obvious intention to avoid my eyes as much as possible. I feel my brain spazzing out of control, trying to tell my body to remain calm. God only knows what my heart is doing, jumping jacks, a marathon, every Olympic sport that's ever freaking existed.

 

Running a hand through those light blonde locks, she sighs and finally faces me, leaning on the door frame. She murmurs,"Thanks."

 

"You're welcome," I breath with my eyes cast down at the ground. She and I both catch the tremble in my voice and I know it, but she ignores it. The elephant in the room is also growing profusely

 

"And about yesterday... Can we just, like, forget it?" Don't say yes, Clementine.

 

"No, Vi.” I sigh and she looks up. “I'm- I'm tired of this," I stutter. I'm keeping my composure the best I can as my brain is shorting out into millions of incoherent thoughts.

 

Bringing her head fully up, she stares at me and I can't read the emotion on her face. Her voice is stale as she runs a hand through her hair and responds,"Clem... I don't know, okay?"

 

My eyes roam over her and her body is tense and I feel irritation start to stir in my limbs. I force out more a lengthy sentence, knowing that her thoughts are brewing at the tip of her tongue yet her mouth is stubborn. "You can't just avoid this Violet. I still have to see you on a daily basis to tutor you and this awkward tension you've caused doesn't help anything."

 

Her eyes flash that familiar coldness and she spits,"Well then don't see me, just leave, okay? I don't need your help anymore, Clem. I don't wanna see your fucking face anymore anyways, all it reminds me of is regrets."

 

Pang. I feel the muscles of my heart stop; all the red and boiling blood that was once running through my body is now drained with absolute numbness. I'm her regret. The seething pain in my chest continues to burn and tingle down my arms and legs. The boulder in my throat is growing by the second. A train had docked full speed into my chest as the words collided and echoed in my head. Regret. I grit my teeth and feel tears pooling in the brinks of my eyes.

 

I see her eyes widen as she realizes what’s she said.

 

I'm a regret. She regrets me, and everything I've done. She regrets touching me and talking to me and foremost, kissing me. She regrets my entire existence. Vi regrets me.

 

I messed up. I knew I was at fault all along. My limbs are nearing complete numbness. Why did I mess up. Now she's never going to love me. Why did I mess up? Why did I put my entire heart at risk by closing my eyes and daydreaming about her smile? Why did I let her lips touch mine? Why did I have to mess up? I messed up with her. Oh my God, I messed up with her.

 

"Clem? What's wrong? Clem, look at me."

I squeeze my eyes tight as pain shoots through my chest at the sound of my name coming from her delicate yet chaotic mouth. I messed up so much.

I feel sparks graze my fingers, and realize it's her hand; she's shaking my hand. Her other hand raises my chin and I feel a heatwave flash through my body. I'm plunged between the dark depths of unconsciousness and the consciousness of Violet’s touch right now and I can't feel my mind anymore. I have no idea what's going on.

 

I'm pulled closer and the only smell in the world right now is strawberry scent radiating off her lips.

 

"Clem, look at me. Stay awake, Clementine," she repeats. My eyes are still blurry and my chest is still burning and both of Violet’s hands are now resting on my face.

 

She keeps softly repeating right into my face 'stay awake', and right before I slip into what I feel will be an eternal abyss of empty darkness, I feel it. I feel her on my mouth. "Stay awake," she whispers, and presses her lips deeper as she murmurs the sentence onto my mouth.

 

She turns her head and I'm feeling the room spin. Her lips are moving over and over and over against mine and the smell of fruits and candy crowd my nose; her fingertips trickle down my face as she pulls back to breathe, and I unconsciously bring my head up and open my eyes. My gaze runs over everything; the red flush forming on the curve of her cheeks, the glossy shimmer on her lips, and the look in her eyes are unreal. The feeling laced in her dark, dilated pupils are one of which I've never seen before; it's something of a apologetic lust and she's taking it out on me.

 

Violet steps back into my apartment and kicks the door shut, grabbing my hand and turning me so that I'm pressed against the front door. Her hands slide down my arms and onto my hips grasping them and she leans back in, seizing my lips in a kiss that is so much slower and deeper than the last.

 

I can't almost feel her heartbeat through her lips and I don't know how, but I can. My hands are trembling so hard, almost violently as I raise them to grasp something; anything that can let me know this is real. That this is actually happening. For all I know this is a dream and I'm deep into a blonde-induced coma.

My hands reach out and finally lock around her neck, and they freeze there.

 

The breath hitches in my throat as I feel her fingertips graze the exposed skin that lay under my tank top; my skin is cold but her fingertips feel so hot. She’s hot. I say that with literal meaning as I slide my hands farther around her neck and I hesitantly play with the soft hair on the nape of her neck, her skin is ignited. I can feel the flame burning on her lips as I feel her tongue run over my mouth. I can hear my heartbeat in my ears, pounding so furiously that my chest could explode at any given moment. This is a dream. This is a dream and I'm in a deep, irreversible coma.

 

Clementine Everett would never let the girl who torments her life kiss her into unconsciousness. She'd never let her hands slide around Violet’s neck and touch the hot skin she'd only ever dreamed of. This can't be happening.

 

My mouth succumbs to her soft and prodding tongue and I feel her tongue run over my lips again before I taste her. The sweet and tangy flavor invades my tastebuds and my senses break down. She pulls me even closer, lacing her arms around my neck with her fingers tugging lightly at my hair and my hands continue to lightly graze the bits of skin my fingertips can find.

 

Her tongue leaves my mouth momentarily to leave soft, speckling kisses on my mouth and the corners of my lips and on my jaw and neck as well. My breath is so heavy and hot, it burns my nostrils everytime I exhale.

 

She pulls back and I'm glad she does because the lack of oxygen to my brain certainly isn't helping keep me awake. She pushes her fallen strands away from her face again and looks up at me with eyes so dark and lascivious.

 

"Are you okay?" Her voice is raspy and low and I feel my heart flutter.

 

"I don't know," I respond, my voice shaking and broken. And I don't, to be honest. I'm fully convinced I'm dead right now and this is Satan playing tricks on me.

She grasps my hands and murmurs,"It's okay, Rocky."

 

Her words are like clouds and they cast a shadow over my thoughts, and I'm completely incoherent. My thought process has been completely shattered and swept under a mist of a strawberry scent and a bubblegum tongue.

 

She leans up and kisses me again, but with less lust laced in it. This time she's soft and sentimental and I can feel my pulse sync up with her.

 

Breaking the kiss, she murmurs,"I'm sorry." And the short phrase makes me reminisce over every bit of despair she's ever caused me.

 

From the day I saw her waltz into this neighborhood with the slightest bit of civility on her face, to the time I saw her in the restroom at school after fighting with that deep scratch under her eye, to the time she stormed to the time she kissed me in the car and left without a word. Just yesterday, she told me that she needed time to think about all the moments she's been intimate with me and just a day afterwards, we've made out. All the despair in my life has always been a direct result of Violet Keane, and here I am, standing against the door with her body melded to mine and she has the audacity to tell me that she's sorry.

 

I don't respond for a long time as I watch a glint of genuine trust sparkle in her eyes. For once, Violet means it.

 

My response is something so crazy; I capture her lips instead of talking. I'm so angry and confused and in love with her, so I just take it out on her lips. And I feel like this isn't me, this isn't Clementine; this is all Clem. My lips create flickers and sparks as I keep kissing and lighting flames on her lips. And she kisses me back, frantic and eager for more. We've gotten nothing of the situation solved, and I'm essentially making this worse than it already is. I should have pushed her away and let the darkness consume me, now I've been plunged into a cocaine wonderland full of her hallucinogenic touch. Okay yeah enough of the melodrama.

 

She's panting against my mouth and a breathy moan of my name leaves her mouth. My name. Not Minnie’s. Mine. And her fingers are now threading through my hair. I'm so deep into Violet, an escape is indefinitely unknown.

 

And we kiss the night away, moving from wall to wall to couch to bed. I don't think about yesterday, and I don't think about tomorrow. I just think about her eyes and her hair and her nose and her lips. Her soft, soft lips. And then I'm finally aware that I love her more than anything in this world. And even if she forces to forget that this ever happened tomorrow morning, I will remember. And I'll be stuck in this moment forever.

 

As her lips kiss down my stomach I can feel her whisper words against my skin, her eyelashes wet.

 

“I’ll explain.”

 “I’m sorry.”

“I’ll make it up to you.”

 “I’ll make you feel good.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Personally I feel as if Clem (Violet pops up annoyed I called her Clem) is being a tad over dramatic but Violet pushing her away then pulling her in because she can’t deal with her own feelings must suck absolute ass. I decided to update twice as one of my favorite commenters made my day! -Ella x


	12. Authors Note

Hi loves! There will be no update today as someone close to me needs some extra love and attention. I hope everyone understand and I’ll make it up by writing an extra long chapter tomorrow! Happy New Years Eve everyone -Ella x


	13. Rachel’s Note Thing

Hi loves! These past few days have been very busy and I just need an extra day tomorrow to get the chapter written up! I hope everyone understands! I’m so sorry about the lateness and will make it up to ye but enjoy the holidays x Rachel is very comfortable to fall asleep on! -Ella

For everyone wondering, Rachel is a new friend of mine who’s just joined the group at school and she’s a writer too so that’s awesomesauce!

Happy New Years!


	14. Sparks of Jealousy

“Clem! Clem c’mon wake up. Shit man if we’re late you better use them big brown eyes on Lee.” Nope. Thank you for the offer for arising from my sleep but I must reject- and now you’re kissing my neck. That’s below the belt. Not literally. Unfortunately.

 

The sunlight trickled in the window of the bedroom, it would be glaring if I actually opened up my eyes. I could hear Tiffany patting about in the kitchen and could feelsome forgotten books cover dig into my calf. They were called hard backs for a reason.

 

“Wake. Up. Nerd.” Violet punctuated each word with a soft kiss to my spots, the place differing each damn time. My jaw, my collarbone (that one tickled) and just there was towards the side, right by my freckle cluster. The floral duvet had been stolen by the blonde during the night but even then I felt as if my skin was on fire. And it wasn’t because of my eczema. I tilted her head further so that Violet could have more space to roam with her soft lips as a really awesome car. Oh wow yep that’s the spot.

 

“Vi,” A breathy whisper of the girls name made her quit her ministrations. The pillow beside my head repuffed itself as the Violets hands that Violet was using to lean her weight on were removed. Through bleary eyes I could see the ruffled looking girl who sat up on my waist.

 

I felt...awkward. I didn’t know where to put my hands on the foreign body that had seemed so familiar to her last night. I smiled smally at the girl who was just taking her in. It was in this moment that I was glad for her vision or lack thereof. It MAY have looked like I was making brave eye contact with thee Violet Keane but in reality I was staring at a blurry, misty blob. Hot.

 

“Lee’s gone to work for a meeting. He left a note on the fridge. Your dad has real nice writing, all loops and shit you know? He crosses his t’s and dots his i’s to a new level.” Violet explained gently as her thumb grazed the tan skin of me beneath her. She smirked, I think, as she watched me rub the sleepydust from my eyes. It was a trait I had picked up from Lee and Aj had subsequently picked it up from me. 

 

“Uh huh” I responded, discombobulated.

 

Honestly Violet could have been asking me for permission to nuke that Lilly ones house and that would still have been my response.

 

“Up and at em babe.” Violet murmured, pressing her lips to mines for a quick few seconds before hopping off and strolling into the bathroom.

 

See this would be the moment where I would have leant up on my elbows to watch the lightly swaying hips of Violet but I still hadn’t put my glasses on.

 

:)

 

The brick of the wall was dusty beneath my converse as I walked atop it and Violet’s hand was soft in mine as the girl walked beside me except on the pavement, guiding her along. Me, the awkwardly stanced, curly haired teen had previously had my other hand outstretched to balance myself as we walked past the other estate houses, however a rumbling truck nearly took my forearm with it. The audacity.

 

It had been maybe three weeks or so since Violet had arrived back at my doorstep, a sobering moment. Since then she had been spending the majority of her time with Clementine, me, by her side. The latter, me, loved their secret glances they shared and secret touches they gifted; in class an interlocking of fingers beneath the table, a brushing of Vi’s front against her back as they left a classroom, a seemingly tired head rested on her shoulder. Our little moment were ours and the secret was there’s to keep. Whatever the secret was? I hadn’t quiet found that out yet.

 

It frustrated me. Like a crossword from the hard side of my crossword book. I mean seriously! Picturesque for down 26 was COMPLETELY unexpected. Diabolical really, Tyson Crossword Publications. Well I hope you DIEson. That was slightly harsh.

 

A slight squeal (more than an ‘urf’) escaped my lips as Violet carried me from the wall, her left arm supporting beneath my knees (knobby as always) and her right steady beneath my back. The winds were starting to pick up and leaves floated around them. Violet didn’t mind (that much) that my strand of coiled went into her mouth as I leant her neck as she was spun. My (not melodious at all) laughs got lost in the gusts, successfully covering Violet’s ‘plah plah plah’s’ as she declared her mouth hair free. Coconut oil. Nice touch. More so nice taste.

 

Violet was seemingly reluctant to place me back down, enjoying the comforting and warm weight in her arms. I padded backwards unsteadily as I was placed back down but Violet regained a steady grip of my hips and pressed me, the barely shorter, girl flush against her.

 

Our breaths mingled with the foggy air and it was at this exact moment that I realized I had forgotten my school bag.

 

I could feel Violet’s breath against my lips as our faces were mere inches away from one another’s and my eyes cautiously flickered from her lips to the girls piercing ivy eyes. I didn’t think it was possible to get lost in someone eyes but boy was I lost! And I was using the map to fan myself. Violet laughed a bit as I squirmed in her arms.

 

“Last one to the school loses!” Romance.

 

:)

 

"I still feel for you girl. Having to spend civilized time with Violet? Oooh, you got it bad!”

 

I chuckled at Sophie’s statement. She had decided to help me restock books in the earthquake-hit-looking library so I could be done twice as fast. The red haired girl grinned down at me from her place on the third rung of the ladder. Gah. Heights. I strained on the tip tops of my toes to hand her up some classic book that had so many pages Louis (sprawled out nearby) had declared it thick. With three c’s. And no K. What has this world come to!

 

I could feel Violet’s gaze on me from where she leans against a nearby table that she was meant to be scrubbing.

Violet and Asaim were meant to be on graffiti clean up duty. Alas it seemed the dude was immersing himself in the various dicks on his own, a loner deboner. Hah. That was a good one.

 

"Im used to it! Besides, it’s nice having someone else around who isn’t Louis, the good!" She stops what she doing and turns to me to the best of her abilities. My arm holding yet another heavy classic is outstretched towards her.

 

"Yeah." She sounds very sullen now. I silently yell at myself for doing that. As if I didn’t already seem like an outcast why with being the Principals daughter and all.

 

"Soph come on. I told you I'm getting over it." It being the exclusion, being the butt of shared classroom snigger causing jokes.

 

"Okay Clem, say you do get over being treated like shit and left out. What about the scars that are gonna be left behind? You'll always have those scars. And with those scars you have a chance of that wound being open again. Like a blister-“ “Ew” I interrupted and she shot me one of her looks. “-Well you can count on me Miss Everett! I'm not gonna let you down. I just wish I gave you a chance before."

 

She finishes her statement with a dazzling smile. I chuckle once more at her enthusiasm. I’m practically Chuckie at this stage.

 

"I truly believe you won't Sophie." I flashed her a dazzling smile of my own.

 

"Wow Clementine. Way to choke a girl up. Looking all cute in your little baseball cap and all!" I grinned again and dropped the book I had in my hand on the table. It was heavy. I walked towards her, her having since jumped off the ladder, and wrapped her up in a hug.

 

Her arms encircled my waist as she leant down (Sophie? More like SOTALLphie.) and she practically lifted me off the ground a few centimeters. I allowed myself a few seconds of just returning the hug and immersing myself in her comforting hold.

 

"I'm sorry." I mock pout when I pulled back, still keeping my arms locked behind her neck and hers stayed on my waist. She just shook her head and smiled.

 

“What kind of name is Charles Dickens?” Louis had awoken.

 

:)

 

I will myself to not stare at the willy on the other canvas. It was just..so detailed. A masterpiece, truly. A masterpenis.

 

I continue to paint the school mural, Tenn and Aj’s pointers on painting realistic tree leaves running through my mind. Making ‘smoosh’ sounds whilst using a flat headed brush.

 

I made a deal with Principal Dad. I said I'd paint a positive ‘student creative spurring and school inspector impressing’ mural for the school if I got to have the school WiFi password.

 

“Hey loser," someone sings softly, extending the y. I crane my neck to the left making hair fall into my eyes from my messy ponytail. Violet was standing there, leaning against the door frame with a huge smile on her face.

 

"And what's got you all smiley?" I tease. She laughs and puts her bag down then makes a running jump and hops up on the desk by me.

 

"I'm just real happy for the first time in months," she answers with shrug, as if her reasoning is meaningless. I put my paint brush down, wipe my hands on a nearby rag and pull her into a tight embrace that she returns whole heartedly. My hearts palpitating from the braveness. This is Sparta!

 

"God I missed this," she whispered against my neck.

 

"You missed what?" I ask softly, stroking her back unconsciously. We are now going to ignore the fact that I didn’t wipe my hands good enough and there’s a streak of white on her denim jacket.

 

"This. Just being able to hug you and forget everything else," she replied. It comes as a surprise to me that I mean that much to her, and then again it doesn't. These last few weeks she's been trying to convince me that she cares. Now that I'm finally listening I wonder why I didn't forgive her a long time ago. Even though she didn’t properly apologize.

 

Truthfully I know that answer. I know it was that underlying insecurity that kept me from this. I guess that's another thing I have to thank Sophie for. And that was that something else would happen that would make her leave or throw a fit again. I’d be alone again. Or that Minnie would reappear with her side shaven hair. And tallness!

 

"I missed you," I finally answer back even though we have only been apart for what a few days?

 

"You don't have to say that if you don't mean it Clem," she mutters. I pull back from our embrace reluctantly. I feel she knows I mean more about her absence after our falling out than the past few days.

 

"Why would you think I don't mean it?" Explain yourself, lesbian.

 

"Do you understand all the terrible unforgivable things I've done to you?"

"Yes." But I try not to think about them.

"I don't think you do. Rocky I left you in the dust. But even before that I was a complete and utter cunt to you. Yet you still stayed in your boat floating up the shit river that is me.” Horrid metaphorical use.

 

“I just completely ignored you when you may have needed me the most with your dad working all the time and Aj becoming independent. We both think I'm selfish and that I believe I deserve everything in this world but the one thing I know I don't deserve is you. You could have given up on me or told everyone about the whole dyslexia thing but you didn’t." The sincerity and unbelieving-esque of her words almost brings me to my knees.

 

"Violet, you deserve to have someone have your back! Through thick with three c’s and no k and thin." She won't look at me so I take her chin and make her look at me. "Stop that. I've forgiven you Vi."

 

"Yeah but I haven't forgiven myself," she says her voice thick with self-loathing.

 

"We all make mistakes Violet. You shouldn't beat yourself up over this." She lowers her head. I can tell that she isn't going to listen to me, so I just take her hand and kiss her knuckles lightly. Callouses. Her green eyes follow my every move as I press her hand firmly to my heart.

 

"How do you do that?" she asks with a shake of her head.

 

"Do what?"

 

"And you don't even realize you're doing it," she chuckles.

 

"What are you talking about you goof?" I joke and playfully shove her. She grips my hand back and smiles. I pray my hat doesn’t tilt off. The floor has crumbs of crackers on it!

 

"How do you just make everything better with a simple action? You're the only person that's ever been able to do that to me."

 

"Really?" She squeezes my hand lightly.

 

"Yeah, really." Her legs wrap around my hips to bring me closer and I don't protest. The hand that isn't holding mine cups my cheek. It moves subtly trying to bring my face closer to hers. We-we can’t do this. Someone could walk in and we’ve been doing this dancing around talking about us game all week and it was getting seriously old. Like that sandwich in Aj’s bag.

 

"Vi stop," I whispered. Her legs tightened.

"How about you try that again but this time say it more convincingly," she whispers just a hair away from my lips. It's torture not closing the distance.

 

Her arms circle around my neck more so and her fingers play with the baby hairs at the nape of my neck. She tilts her head. Dammit.

 

"Why? What are we doing here? Please Vi." My voice cracks at the end. Prepubescent Louis could never.

 

"What do you mean?" She asks searching my eyes.

 

"I just want to be friends." I know it shouldn't pain me as much as it does to say that. She shook her head, her dirty blonde hair bouncing, "No you don't. Since the first day of this study thing I've seen the way you look at me." She moves her other hand to cup my cheek. "Why are you denying this?"

 

"What are you doing out of class anyway?" I move from between her legs and pick up the paint brush again. She sighs and I'm already missing her warmth but I continue painting. "I always skip geometry," she says nonchalantly. I turn and fix my disapproving gaze on her. She meets my eyes head on.

 

"You shouldn't skip classes," I whisper.

 

She scoffs. Typical.

 

"I shouldn't do a lot of things," she replied then looked down at me then at her hands and wrung them. "Then why do you?" Her head is still down allowing her hair to frame her face with a curtain of tendrils.

 

"I don't know," she sighed. "Maybe because it's the fact that I'm expected to do them, you know? Sometimes I want to.” I do know what she means. Having expectations on you is like having a cinder block tied to your ankle pulling you underwater.

 

"I'm sorry." I find myself saying. She finally meets my eyes again. She seems frustrated and annoyed that I’m saying that.

 

"Why are you sorry?"

 

"I'm sorry you go through that." She shakes her head.

 

"It's not your fault.”

 

"No, it's not.”

 

I turn back to the mural. "I'm sorry that you don't get that other people's expectations doesn't matter. The expectations you have for yourself do." I could feel her stare on me.

 

"Only strong people can do that. And," she chuckles. "And I'm not that strong emotionally.” You’re not strong physically. Who do you think you’re fooling? Damn near dropped me the other night.

 

"Yes you are." I say as my hand stops painting and I look at her in disbelief. "You're one of the strongest person I know." There's a silence between us. It's broken shortly after someone comes through the door. “Can we talk later? I want to- I want to apologize properly and- and explain myself.” She looks so innocent and small in asking this.

 

"Hey babe, I brought you lunch. Do you want Greek salad or-" Sophie stops when she sees us. I send a silent thank you to whoever is watching over me that Soph didn't catch Violet and I in a more intimate position.

 

"Am I Interrupting something?"

 

"Yes."

 

"No."

 

Vi and I answer simultaneously. Sophie raises her eyebrow at us. "No you weren't Soph." I walk over to her and give her a side hug. She gives me a goofy smile in return. Out of the corner of my eye I see Violet gagging and send her a warning glare. Her jaw is clenched and her arms are protectively crossed at her midriff.

 

"If you guys are doing something I can always come back."

 

"That's a wonderful idea." Violet shoots me a look that I politely ignore.

 

"Actually Vi was just leaving." I grip Soph’s arm and lean my head on her shoulder. My glasses slide down a little which Sophie pushes up with a grin. I look into her eyes if only to ignore the hurt in Violet’s. For once I allow myself to not care about her and lose myself in blue eyes desperately willing my mind to not turn them green.

 

"Yeah I need to go. Bye lovebirds." She changes her tone from heartbroken to condescending quick.

 

:)

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reuploading this one with quite a few changes! I deleted the last one due to unhappy peoples (episode three truly split the fandom a bit?) but I hope others are happy that I’m including Louis a bit more. I wasn’t trying to seem like I didn’t like him and was ‘happy he lost his tongue’. God no! I hope everyone enjoys this! xx 
> 
> THEDERPARTIST ON INSTAGRAM IS A PURE EPITOME OF INSIDE AND OUTSIDE BEAUTY AND I ADORE HER SO MUCHHHH!!! -Ella

**Author's Note:**

> Please feel free to leave any feedback or critiques. I’m open to requests too at the moment! My instagram is @thefallingdead so pop on over. -Ella


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